Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Time for the customary year end post.


2008 has been a good boy.

School ended, school work ended [calling up Dominoes for sponsoring refreshments- 'Oh please, 35 apiece is okay', calling up HT/TOI for judges - 'No, PLEASE SIR!', calling up schools to get participants - 'No, PLEASE, come on? NO? Fiiine. What do you think of yourself, you, you...'], my own work started, yet..

It's been a good year.

Bombay.
The saree!
[Radh - Dude, you can't just not come on Democracy Day. Its the only day I get to rape you!]
[And - Official instructions : "All those taking Value Education classes are requested not to exhibit any knowledge regarding boyfriends and sex."]
Chandni Chowk.
Coffee and Math.
Farewells, gifts, speeches, crying.. Damn, who'd have thought?
My camera-finally!
Investiture.
Nehru Park. [Some fiasco, that. =P]
Sleepovers.
Fete.
"Rape me, my friend..."
Sweatshirts.
Sheets.
Embarrassing Moments Caught On Camera [Teehee]
The Christmas train. [suckers. missed it.]
Ahmedabad.
[EDIT on request] National Museum, being mugged by a kid, while someone just stood and watched. >.>
Tarot cards. =P =P
In Math : Namrata, will you please spit out what you're chewing?
Nim : But ma'am, I was not chewing anything. I was just faking it.
Adventure Island.
Nangia's budday treat - Six months, yet to happen.
Almost singing Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You on Teacher's Day.
Macbeth practices. At Subway.
Ooh, Subway!
"Shit yaar, maine toh Da Vinci Code bhi padhi thi.." : Dish, after Suku and I convinced her that Vatican City was the capital of the world.
Assorted quizzes, debates and symposiums messed up.
Gossip. =P
"Yaar, mujhe koi kiss nahi deta." :Tapu, on being denied Hershey's Kisses.
School bus toilet humour.
CE staybacks. At Cafe Coffee Day.
A washed out Independence Day that turned out to be so much fun.
Impromptu trips to Barista to discuss platonic love.
"Ikchully, girls..."
Being caught by the vice principal, in the vice principal's office, having extremely mortifying conversations.
Singing Comfortably Numb, metal style, outside the principal's office.
But the Moment of the Year has to, has to go this:

In Economics:

Sonali, why are you grinning like that? Did I say something funny? Or is she doing something to you under the table?



The next year's gonna be a big one. There's the farewell in exactly a month, Boards [HELP!], college [Really? When? How?], shopping [^.^], time [finally!], and of course, things to cross off my To-Do-Before-20 List...

09, you better be great, kiddo.






As for 08, goodbye. It was good knowing you.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Sue me if this isn't hilarious

Awesomeness. Press play.



Boymongoose
12 Days Of Christmas
Christmas in Asia Minor

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas folks!


'tis the season to be jolly.., originally uploaded by .vasudha.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Goings On

Another one of those career counselling sessions happened at home.

Mum : So what are you going to do after you do Eco?
Me : Um. You realise I'm not even necessarily doing Eco, so kinda off-tangent to tell you what I'll do after that, right?
Mum : But you must know something..
Me : See, I'll give you a better option. I'll do one of those photography diplomas. Then you won't have any doubt. I'll have to be a photographer. Easy.
Mum : Photography is redundant. Why don't you become a paanwaala?
Me : Um. What did you just say?
Mum : Yeah, see it's safe. Recession, no recession, you're protected. No risk.

So. Vasudha Paanwaali and Associates anyone?

*

During the last week, I have been told that :
  1. I need a nose job.
  2. I am disloyal. [o.O]
  3. "Hey, self obsessed!"
  4. I should get my hair rebonded.
  5. "Bitch about you? You're our favourite topic of mockery, honey."
  6. I dance scarily. [After seeing the videos, I have to agree]
  7. "You = innocent? World = apocalypse."
*

The last fete at school just concluded. If last year was Operation Human Poster, this year was no less. The lucky draw stall I was on duty at had a cycle as one of the gifts. One glance and I knew it. Convince teacher, check. Convince friend, check. Fifteen minutes later, there's a crazy female cycling around the grounds with another at the back, shouting, "Luckydrawluckydrawluckydraaaaaw!" in manner of enthusiastic DTC conductor. The 9th standard actually cheered. Good God.

*
Day 1 of the Get Active Finally programme.
7:00 AM

Grandmum : Where are you going?
Me : Walk. I'll be back in an hour.
G'mum : Where?
Me : Here and there. East, I guess.
G'mum : Why don't you ask Chacha to drop you?


Oh, btw.
Presenting : The HOTTEST JOGGING FASHION TRENDS THIS WINTER!

Unclejis : Blue hoodies and red track pants. [No.s spotted : 4]
Bachchajis with ages in the region of 15-25 : Over sized bomber jackets with hot pants. [The males ie.] [No.s spotted : 1] [No of aforementioned bachchas spotted : 1]
Auntyjis : Salwar kameez, with the dupatta over the head. Secured in place by a brown monkey cap.

*

I like imagination.
More importantly, I need some.

*

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Time's ripe for a new post, don't you think?

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Damn. School.

Dear Me,

I know you can't take in the things that are happening. I know you feel like things are going too fast, skimming swiftly over you, like you're an insignificant stone on the road that can't stop anyone's progress. I know you hate this happening, but I also know that inside, whether you admit it or not, you know this had to come and the timing is the best it could have been. From a soft laze to a crescendo, and then a fade out.. The end is nigh.

You probably rue not making better use of the year. You probably rue not attending English classes since July. But come on kid, would you have been able to shriek,"Come you spirits that tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here!" on stage, in front of 350 people, otherwise? Would you have been able to see Zeus, Athena and Aphrodite dance to Pappu Can't Dance and teaching fractions while organising the Maths play otherwise? And look. Ten days of pizza as refreshments win over five months of English anyway.
[A little denial never hurt no one.]

As for people, they'll be there. And if they aren't, you be there for them. In the end, it amounts to the same thing. She said you fear failure, didn't she? That it pulls you back when you think you're not going to be good at something? She knows you well. But it isn't failure.
Its change.
Displacement.

What's happened? You thrived on change. Challenges, opportunities. You still do. Its just the void you need to overcome, and then we'll be back. As one.

Good luck.

Love,
Me.

[Aanchal? I just did your tag. =)]

Monday, November 10, 2008

Post-ponement


[I don't really know what I'd call this. It isn't poetry, its still not prose.
Thought stream, prolly. =/]


I walk through grey meanders,
Stepping carefully to avoid
the dark criss crosses:
Wars of leaves and wires.

Then on to lanes
Of sound and play
They don't run about like we did, though.
PSP huddles. I trudge on
through roads and lost times
Quagmires, shaken off.

A look up, and the sapphire holds me
In a careless twine around its littlest giant finger
I care not for the chain
In its grasp, I am free

A blare and a hasty look down
A mumbled apology to the driver
An uncertain shake
And then,
The mindless laughter

Boxed houses lined up
Off key Idol singing runs out through one
And a yell for someone to shut the back door
Before another someone runs away
And the smell of hot packet soup
Simmering lightly;
Warm yellow lights.
Like any of the other
Lined up beside
And yet..

Open your heart..

I'm home.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Kem cho, majama?

Check 1..
Check 2..
Check 3..
Working. Whew.

So. Where have I been?

The parents have decided its high time to get their parental priorities right, and set curfews, computer usage limits, omg-you-sleep-at-one-or-do-you-even-sleep lectures. The coup de resistance goes way above these though. Its the 12th, beta. You need to study. Bas, nothing doing. Come November, and the Net's going, and we'll keep your phone with us too. Come on, its a measly five months, and its for your good obviously. Ab nahi padhoge toh kab, haan?

I was counting on my sister to throw a few tantrums here and there, because if the net goes, it goes for everyone, and she does like swiping my cell, then locking herself up in the bathroom and going through my inbox. Well, protest she did. Net stays. For her.

However, thanks to whatever little convincing powers I have [I'm trying to be modest, see?], there has been leetle leeway for me too. Been allowed Net and cell phone usage on Sundays, which means, for the most part, you can expect posts every Sunday. Think I might end up being more regular while grounded in a twisted, paradoxical way. O_o
[Yay! I know a word with x other than Xmas!]

Anyhow, my momma has been trying her hardest to make me a demure, soft spoken SSBN.* Which is why she's vigorously been rigorously training me in cooking basics. Her reasoning behind it is that I should at least know how to make basic survival food. My reasoning says as long as I know how to operate a telephone and have the number of the nearest Subway/Domino's, I'll survive. Luxuriously. But then, steely motherly ha-ha-now-get-to-work looks have a tendency to whip you into action. And so we begin.

Day 1
Aloo Capsicum

Honestly, how is something I dislike enough to not eat it going to help me survive? I mean, if I'm not eating it..
Enter afore mentioned steely look.
Ah, yes.

Take a kadhai ["Um, which one is the kadhai?"] Two teaspoons of ghee. Add sliced onions when it gets hot. Saute until they're pink. ["But they're just getting yellow."] Add chopped capsicum and ugh-ish looking tomatoes. Salt and red chilli powder. Diced boiled potatoes. Turmeric. Cover it with a lid, wait for two songs to finish on your iPod, and voila! You're done. Garnish with a tomato flower [6 petals, NOT 8], green chillies, and finely sliced adrak, and you're positively cordon bleu.




Ah yes. I, kitchen failure non-parallel, made that.



*takes a bow*

Think twas edible. Mum's still fine. Me? I ordered in pizza for dinner.


*shaant, sushil bharatiya naari

Saturday, October 4, 2008

How B. Sir Was Hugged, Shocked, and Got a Life.

By Suku Iyer


It is one of those sunny days, when half the class is sleeping and only people like M seem to be tolerating [actually, attentively listening] to Sir's soporific voice. "Oh, my dear, my attention." Suddenly, in a flurry of perfume, this chirpy female with a fake grin enters our class. "Hi!!! Siiir!" "Hullo Shefali." [All of a sudden everyone in the class is paying rapt attention and this murmur circultaes,"Isn't that Shefali T.? God she's so fat!"]
Not noticing this, she screams,"Hii everyone", and our class is suddenly and uncharacteristically solemn. Then, out of the blue, she goes and hugs Sir. Now Sir, not being used to such affection is caught unawares and his eyes almost jump out of their sockets. [She's supposedly a model, hence, the gogglingness!] This is too much for us, so we start staring big time at Sir and his model. Sir, seeing us, and thinking his reputation to be at stake, very shrewdly takes her outside. We hear a "So how are you, Shefali?" in his special husky voice. Everyone in class is almost falling out of their seats trying to listen to them. [This is a girls school, so gossip is like water, hence quintessential] She [Shefali] is unnerved by our very 'decent' reactions, and carries on in her super audible voice..
"Oh Sir, I completely forgot! This is my husband!" "Oh, hullo." [Shit man, Sir's face was so shrivelled up, you actually felt bad for that beast] Our class, ever so soigne, screams,"Chhee! He's so ugly; uncle! Urgh!" Just when we seem to get over the shock, she jumps inside the class, with a Wonder Womanish air around her. "Hiii everyone!" This time around, we all reply religiously. "HIII!" "So how's Sir teaching you guys? He's brilliant, isn't he?" [Yeah, right, he may be the god of Accounts, but I still don't give a shit. But then, she doesn't care for mine or anyone's opinion and continues.] "Does he still give you the Boston-Bombay example? When we were students, he always gave us that one!" [A whisper follows. "Yaar, why is she bullshitting so much?"]
Sir seems to realise that Shefali dearest is with the class, and comes inside shiftily. [He doesn't trust us at all, you know.] "Oh no Shefali, that was for your batch only." "Okay, okay then bye Sir!" [Hum dobaara milenge na Shefali?] "Bye everyone!" ["Please dobaara aana Shefali...."]

And so she leaves, leaving us with enough gossip and hot news to share with our fellow chugalkhors.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Aaand its deja vu!

Last year, last year's creative writing competition. This.
This year, this year's creative writing competition. This.

Ahem.

THE BEST WAY TO DESTROY THE EARTH
[in the opinion of a few honourable gentlemen]

'There's a hole in my bucket,
Eliza, a hole..'
A child singing his rhyme
could take its toll.
The noble young 'un
With a heart of gold;
Of environ consciousness
In school, would've been told.
Precious water would go waste
Flowing through the hole;
Paining our noble,
aggrieved young soul.
To the town mayor
He would scurry;
[Trying times like this
Necessitated hurry]
The mayor would look,
solemnly; and say,
"I see but
no other way.
A problem so serious
Needs more power.
I shall make calls,
Wide and far."
The environment minister
At once would be called;
He'd look at the bucket
Stricken, appalled.
"The bucket makers
Should die of shame,
Of so sacrilegious a sin
They are to blame!"
A committee would be formed,
A panel laid;
To see if the bucket
Would make life fade.
The learned chairman
Would adjust his glasses,
Cough, and be ready
To face the masses.
"This bucket here
Doth proclaim :
Repercussions for which
We have no name.
The aqua would flow through
And be wasted;
People would die
H2O untasted.
Dehydration would take
Further lives:
Men and women
Husbands and wives;
Producers would die
Supply would fall;
[The author has economic knowledge,
however small.]
With no food to eat
We'd be dead meat;
Scavengers would abound
Rise and soar,
The black eagle would burp
Having had bodies four.
A gurgling in its stomach
Would put it ill at ease,
For it would develop
A weird sounding stomach disease.
Flowers would wither,
Plants die;
No life on earth,
My, oh my.
This is true people,
fear oh fear!
Armageddon beckons,

Apocalypse nears!
The world is in danger,
Do well to worry:
Live your dreams,
Dude! Scurry!
The earth will soon be dead;
Drenched in streams of red.
But remember this mortals,
I, first this, foretold,
So when you make money on your bets
I want commission in gold."

Er, yeah. So I suck at rhyming. And I digress. :P

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Five blasts.
Jeez.
All markets.
One fifteen minutes away from home.
Another I would have been at right now.
What is the world coming to?

Hope you're all fine.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Dilli - Ahmedabad

[Just found something in my drafts. Iono, but it makes me cringe. Cribfest.]
[PS. Exams. =( ]


23rd April, oh eight.

8:oo PM
Bon voyage. Train leaves.
15 relatives, one fourteen hour journey.
Hmmm.

8:3o PM
Honestly, I have a name and it is NOT gudiya.

9:3o PM
Food!

Yellow Dal that has, due to space constraints obviously, been compressed into a thick block of yellow blubbery glue.

11:3o PM
The Indian National Railways need one thing, and fast : separate snorer bogeys. Try sleeping while five people snore in tuneless harmony around you, Mr. Laloo Prasad Yadav. Hmph.

24th April, oh eight
oo:3o AM
Insomnia.

Though Ambar makes for great listening on sleepless train journeys with the A/C chilling you from the outside and the lyrics warming you in a snuggle inside. Mmm.

Also blocks out snores.

6:3o AM
Waking up to the sounds of "Itni Shakti Humain Dena Daata" on the train's local radio network can only be labelled interesting.

6:45 AM
Railway toilets are creepy. Do not, do NOT look down, not even for a peep.
*shudders*

7:oo AM
Turns out I missed on the most important events of the night : one of the 15 odd relatives sleepwalking to the toilet in the night, someone's foot hitting someone on the head, and someone needing a different berth since he was too, er.. girthly to fit in the middle one.
Ello. The Great Indian Dysfunctional Family welcomes you.

9:3o AM
Sleepwalking ancient uncle, who has more teeth missing than present, gets a call from some random girl. A simpery voice is heard.
"I like music, and I love singing! Could we meet?"

9:45 AM
Standing at the bogey door, waving at kids working on the platform tracks and taking photographs, when the TC comes and says, "Ah, so you are doing photography? Bhook hartal people, no?" Okay, so they hadn't served dinner until 10 yesterday night, and I'd jokingly said it was a forced bhook hartal, and I'd put up a dharna in the corridor, which he managed to overhear. I grin at him, and nod quickly.

1o:3o AM
Ahmedabad!
We're here!
And its HOT.

1o:31 AM
Aaand we've been rechristened, folks.
The name's ben, Vasuben.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Fluff

[also, UNMBB no. 5]

  • I is being thrown out of the house. The mother says I is a bad influence on the kids because I care about my marks overmuch.
  • Overzealous tuition teachers can be hazardous to health. My Economics tutor just got an A/C installed in our room, and in the josh of jawaani, keeps it on at full blast at 18C. Couple this with my delicate little nose, and you have an olfactory disaster. Picture this : I'm sniffing away to glory, and the leaky sneaky thing refuses to stop. So I think I'll run down to the chemist and get some tissue paper. Lo and behold, the chemist hands me a wad of 300 table tissues. I ask if they have a smaller pack, and the answer's in the negative. At this precise moment, my friend comes up with a bright plan. Why not use wet wipes? I give her a deadpan look and say, "They're -wet.-" She uses the mesmer, or whatever, but at the end of it, I give in. Now the pack I buy is aloe vera and mint extract. This should be a good time to be wary, seeing my past history with aloe vera, but cold viruses numb your brain. We're back at the tuition centre and now I get this incredulous stare from the first person I see. I realise I'm holding a wet tissue to my nose. A wet, or in other words, completely and utterly drenched tissue. One that says,"Wow, isn't that some cold?" Blah.
  • Paul Newman endorsed Lux. Someone please lend the guy some money.
  • Rabri Devi has sisters called Rasgulla, Paan and Jalebi. Someone please send them my sympathies.
  • You didn't go for COQ 08, did you? Ha, sucker. That's why you didn't know.
  • In Breaking News at School!, the Chem lab has been shifted from the first floor to the ground floor. Why? Because the pillars supporting it were cracking. All thanks to the lovely, studious Science kids who can't fathom spending a single minute without Pradeep [the book, silly] and therefore spend 24 hours of holy inactivity studying. This leads to the formation of perfectly spherical human spheres of scientific excellence, and puts too much weight on the pillars. The pillars can't bear the brunt, and crumble. What if someone had actually come under them? Studying is injurious to health. Your honour, I rest my case.
  • Now Dish the Fish has been up to some tough, tough work lately. No, she hasn't mastered the art of laughing without the hand coming up to cover her mouth yet [though persevere and you will learn, bachcha.] In actuality, she's done much more. Madame Amphibian has found me a proposed soulmate! In her words, "He sounds SO much like you, the solutions to problems he gives, his accent! [I don't have an accent btw, just an overlyexcitedspeakfastrushwhooosh way of talking], has this really nice, deep voice [um. I screech. And that's me being objective. :|] and he hosts a radio show!"
Sounds perfect, doesn't he?

Just this minor catch.

His show is called er.. Between The Sheets.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

.
They fly untamed.

The expanse of blue:
inhales the rise
of each tiny life;
sighs to propel
every carefree flight;
While with arms open
they tread gently,

Softly; on its chest.
.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Tag paanch aka MEZ IZ TAGGEDZ!

Tagged by His Almighty Geekiness, Ashish.


5 - You’re going on a long journey, what five albums MUST you take with you? Albums that you need to listen to regularly.

  • Silk Route : Boondein [actually, this does have an incredibly corny English song called, um.. Mermaid. *shudders* I'm allowed to substitute that with Mohit Chauhan's Guncha, right? =D]
4 - What four albums/songs do you most associate with a journey or travel experience memory? You know, the ones you listen to that transport you back to a place and time.

  • Asoka [yes, the Shah Rukh Khan and Kareena Kapoor movie. Stop gaping.] : I'd gone on a family vacation to Kerala back when I was 11, and for ten days, I listened to nothing else, since it was the sole non-Malayalam album our driver had. San Sana-na Nan. Responsible for any craziness I display today. You have no idea how impressionable an eleven year old is.
  • Numb - Linkin Park : 15th December, 2007. School grounds. School fete in progress. Yours truly on compering duty at the music request stall on stage, seeing 3000 kids getting bored. What does yours truly do? She takes the microphone, and instead of just announcing, "Next up is Numb, by Linkin Park, from [insert random desperate guy's name] to all the hot girls of Carmel!", she er.. shouts,"Lemme hear you roaaaaaaaaaaaaaar, people!" and proceeds to jump, and head bang to Numb, lip syncing, and going crazy in a passable imitation of Chester. On stage. 3000 people. [Aku, I know you'll be a good friend, and delete that video. NOW.]
  • Keh Lene Do - Agnee : In the 11th, when our class would be practicing for the 12th's farewell, Sukanya and I would sit on the low ledge behind the auditorium at school, with baby squirrels for company. We'd begin with humming Keh Lene Do, and Karvan by Agnee, move on to Tere Bina by Fuzon, and as more people came and sat, Allah Ke Bande, finally finishing off with a crowd favourite : Chain Kulli Ki Main Kulli. =P [You HAVE to see that video.]
  • Shayad / Nishaan - Call : For the impromptu jam sessions at school with K. =)
3 - Your three favourite songs of all time?
  • I Will Follow You Into The Dark : Death Cab For Cutie [Do.. not.. stare. Its a nice song. Shoo.] [as is Carnival of Rust. And Champagne Supernova. And Good Riddance. ^.^]
2 - Two feel good songs, the ones that are guaranteed to lift the blues and put a smile on your face.
  • Ud Chalta - Nitish Pires [The guy is um.. weird. And the album version has better vocals. And slightly adjusted lyrics.]
  • Le Chale - KK, My Brother Nikhil [also try: Yeh Honsla - Shafqat Amanat Ali Khan]

1 - Absolute, overall, undoubtedly the best album of all time, in your opinion.
  • The ever changing, all accommodating to-listen-before-bed album of the [V]. =D


[Ah yes. I wasn't supposed to include any Inglis songs. One little song or two can't hurt, right? At least, I say it can't. & my word is law. I is 17. Mwahahahaha.]

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Going home

Sweaty hands stuck to a glass door.
Palms pressed against the steadily mistyifying and demystifying canvas.
A whizz past reality.
Eyes that cringe to avoid yellow glare, and in a blink, open to soak in wonder.
A gasp, and an intake.

"Yeh darwaaze apne aap kyun khul rahe hai? Hum raat hone se PEHLE pahuch jayenge!?"

Then the doors slide shut, and Papa gently pushes her open jaw upward.
And the Metro races ahead, only to be engulfed by another hollow serpentine station.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Tag chaar aka Nidhi's tag!

Stolen from Nidhi.

The Rules - *I challenge you to make your own list. The only catch? You can't include a single person you know on your list. No "I love the way my husband laughs" or "I love hearing my little girl call for me." It'll be tough, I know. But this particular little exercise is about stripping away everyone who defines you and figuring out what you (not his partner; not their mother/daughter/sister/friend) love.


I love sitting in the corridor outside my class and catching the wind. Being part of the mob that runs inside whenever anyone at the staircase yells, "Bhaago, Shobha's coming!" Hot chocolate fudge at Nirula's. Jabbering on and on and making no sense. I love scribbling into my journal at night. Traveling. I love the shivers down my spine after being drenched in the rain. Climbing trees. Jumping into puddles. Splashing paint and slashing my jeans and then calling them works of art. I love causing someone to break into a smile. I love causing someone to throw up on Coke because of guffawing too hard at my lame jokes. Staring out of the window on long car drives. Cycling. Trekking. Mountains. Listening to Strings late at night. I love hour long phone conferences where everyone makes jokes simultaneously, then laughs at their own joke, and they're all happy thinking five people found what they said funny. I love Drake and Josh. And Megan. Old photographs. Monochromes. Nonsense masquerading as abstractness. My nonsense. Individuality. Hot Choco-latte at Cafe Coffee Day cupped into palms on freezing winter nights. Being liked. I love chocolate. Lots of chocolate. Lots of chocolate without the calories. Rereading old posts and thinking what an I ass I was. Black gel pens. I love Calvin and Hobbes. Learning. The smell of old books. I love character. Acceptance. Chocolate Truffle with Sour Cherry sauce from Bread and More. Holidays! Economics. Myself. Longish complicated sounding words that make me sound pseudo-literary. I love the desperate types. NOT. Snuggling into a warm blanket while listening to Fix You. Genuineness. I love colour. Exploring. Photographing people off guard. Sunrises. Lying on my terrace and looking at the stars. Going wild. I love surprises. Pushing myself. My W120. I love glass bangles. Gossip. Douglas Adams. Walking barefoot on dewy grass. I love Pakistani Rock Music. Impromptu shopping trips [paid for by parents!]. Four hour long conversations, solely through chits, at school. I love nostalgia. Closing my eyes and soaking in darkness. Vibrancy. Bonfires. School. Celebrations. Five people sharing a packet of Senor Pepito Nachos because they accidentally discovered combined chilladh in their bags amounting to ten rupees. I love the Litchi groves at Glasshouse on the Ganges at Rishikesh. Memories. Knowing there's so much to be grateful for. Storing time in a jar at the back of my mind. =)

For Better or Worse

"Didi, I don't have my napkin."

"I'm not allowed to have ice cream, Didi."

"You come in N9, no, Didi?"

"HI, DIDI!"

"Didi, you won't have ice cream?"

"You're a member of Roshanara Club na, Didi? I saw you!"

"I don't [slurp] like [slurp] chocolate flavour, Didi."

"Didi, Samridhhi has potty!"

Two years back, I was here. Not exactly telling on my classmates' toilet training skills, but still being the annoying prat who loved dissing the school, the play, the presentation, the kids who would play Mother Veronica, and their invariable fainting on stage. The five rupee orange bar we used to get morphed into a twenty rupee Cornetto with the Indian economy progressing. But then, I'd still crib. Something had to be wrong, eh?
Another day, another time. Life smacks you in the face, with a past-you looking at the present-you in the eye. And you're on the 'other' side now, the one that takes the dissing patiently. Not just that, but everything that comes with it. Authority, responsibility, accountability; I don't like [=P]. Sigh. Growing up is no fun. Two years of growing up now on display, live and exclusive. Go play.

Oh, and by the way, in an evil twist of fate, I didn't get any ice cream this year.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

< rant >

Clasping drenched temples trying to push the pain inside stuff it so hard into a paper ball pressed smaller, smaller, smaller. Doubling up quadrupling it just trying to make it go and vanish and whoosh and leave you relieved and content and free. Gritting teeth and creasing brows and banging feet and fists and oh no, its still there why and the music doesn't obliviate it and it hurts and why can't you just poof! and go you, you...

Get lost, work.



[Why does this sound like The Rant of The Constipated?]

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Tag teen aka We're Back After The Break!

Tagged by Bharat. Title credits go the same way.

5 things found in your bag

  • Camera, Phone, iPod.
  • Money, food passes etc.
  • Dairy, pens in assorted colours [on last count : black, fluorescent orange and fuschia], and a book.
  • Old movie tickets, restaurant bills, wrappers etc. [I'm too lazy to clean up. Sue me.]
  • Random things stuffed in by other people who're too lazy and selfish to carry a bag, and dump their Physics notebooks into mine. Hmph. Listening, are you?
5 favourite things in your room
  • My model Seaplane - iMade! ^.^
  • My hula hoops - Er, yes. I own two. And what's more, I can hula hoop. Beat that, loser!
  • The mini veranda that's technically not in my room, but is still the best place to sit and read. Its even got place to keep a champagne glass [that's filled with Sprite.] =P
  • My freshly painted book shelves with more school books than others. My books number 50+. School books? Lets not get there... *shudders*
  • The side windows that help in spying on my neighbour! =P
5 things you are currently into
  • Monochromes
  • Nameless channel no. 3 on my cable network that has inadvertently hilarious Uttaranchali Lok Sangeet music videos. =P
  • Photography. Black and whites.
  • Huge messes.
  • Tags! What else? :D
5 things you have always wanted to do
  • Go to jail.
  • Flunk an exam. [Monday. Math. Bubble might burst.]
  • Take a year off for just backpacking. [Note to self : Might have to take ten years off before that for just earning enough to be able to do that.]
  • Sound pseudo literary.
  • Be able to write heartfelt, expressive wishes that sound genuine, and not lamely corny, and show how much I care. Since that doesn't look very likely, in the near future, guess you'll just have to do with a simple happy birthday then, Nik. Have a blast. Flabbergast Stanford! =P

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Issued In Public Interest

Aloe Vera Facewash is not particularly tasty.



Singing while washing your face is not particularly a good idea either.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Chandni Chowk

Helloji, and namaste from NRV Travels [Pvt.] Ltd [Committed to service of traveler always] We are the best travel-bhraman guide service in Delhi, sirji. For non Hindi speaking traveler, we have non Hindi speaking guide [Nik], for culture-crazy traveler, we have singing-dancing-stripping guide [Rad], and for intelligent, sane and normal traveler, we have intelligent, sane and normal guide [Miss V]

Today, sirji, we are in Chandni Chowk, showing rich, diverse traditions of India. First, we are getting off from Chandni Chowk Metro Station. Look left. See the beautiful, golden piece heralding our architectural great? The lovely-feeling inducing arcs? Ah, yes. McDonald's. And now just behind that, you will see the Red Fort, also called Lal Qila. If you get up on time and Doordarshan is your preferred mode of entertainment, then this is the place from where the PM gives his speech on Independence Day every year.

Its great to know that such an awe inspiring monument is part of our cultural heritage. Like you're the co-owner, even if you own only a 1/1,000,000,000th of the place. Gives you this confident stride, and makes you saunter proudly though the security check.

"Arre, madam! Ticket kaha hai?"

Uh oh?

So..uh..uh... yeah! You see, its not a good idea to go without tickets. We only tried so we could report accurately, ji. Hamein toh pata tha.

Once andar, Miss V says to skip the memorabilia shops [in manner of hoity toity serious explorer on frugal budget who cares not for material pleasures] Radhika says, "Achha saamaan hai, par Janpath par yahi sab aadhe daam main milta hai." Nik says she doesn't understand what Radhika said.

Don't take any of those fake tout guides, who'll ask for 200 rupees to tell you a broken history of the place in broken Inglis. Just call us, ji. We are committed to service of traveler. We will show you the Diwan-e-Aam, Lahore Gate, Mussaman Burj and the shallow waterways in the midst of all the imperial apartments, that used to have Yamuna water flowing through them, presumably to soak in your feet after a hard day's work of meeting the aam junta. We also show you the best place to take a Khwaja Mere Khwaja photo too. We are best, no?

Now if your pet [stomach, not dog] says gud-gud, let us go to Parathewali Gali. We take you to no running mill place, we will take you to Pt. Gaya Prasad Shiv Charan Parathewala. All celebrities like Jawaharlal Nehru, Indira Gandhi, Akshay Kumar and the three of us have eaten here. It also won the best parathewale place award at HT's Eating Out Awards 2007. Here, you have to have the Hari Mirch paratha, if only to see if you would survive in Fear Factor. Come with big appetite though. Nik and I had one paratha each. The guy serving us looked shocked and asked if had not liked the food. Ah well. I would have loved to have more parathas, but ji, I have delicate stomach, so..

After this, we take you shopping. Rad will show chamki shops in Kinari Bazaar, where you can get sequins, stones, jewelled patches, and feather boas. Or you can buy pretty chamki sarees for Minakshi ke bhatije ki behen ki shaadi. Saste main kaam bhi ho jayega.

But what if you're an uncle and don't like wearing sarees? Not to worry sirji, we will take you to Dariba Kalan. While bhabhiji buys silver jewelery, why don't you get an IIFA award made for yourself? Sabki seva karte hai hum. We are committed to service of traveler.

Aww, Pappu toh reh gaya. No problem Pappu beta, engineer banana hai na? We'll take you to Nayi Sarak, where you can get all Pradeep, Modern, Primitive, sab. But Pappu is all rounder, no? Books bhi, looks bhi. And if you study all day, ainak toh lagegi hi. Ballimaran chalo! The best goggles and glasses in town, even Pappu's girlfriend [shh!] will approve!

Ab poora parivaar is sukhi parivaar, so let's make Bhagwaan happy too. Sisganj Gurudwara is our last stop for th day. As you eat kada prashad and feel blessed, we will make sure your shoes are kept safe. And when you are chaatoing the last daanas from your palms, we will not even laugh. We will only smile, and drop you at the Metro Station, and as the doors of the Metro close, we will say ta-ta. For we, Sirji, are committed to service of traveler.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Tag do

1. What have you realised recently?
That the best way to zap summer zits is not Garnier Yellow Tube Facewash but simply taking off your specs and looking at the mirror.

2. Have you given your first kiss away?
Tauba, tauba. :P

3. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 11 blog buddies you would take?
Three's a crowd. Eleven's a deserted island no more. Mayhem! :D
Er, the question. Yes.
Inflict torture of self's company on them all.

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Betelgeuse.

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
Fly, oh so high, into the sky, I shall try, kar diya na bheja fry? Sigh.


On second thoughts, 6/6 vision wouldn't hurt.

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
I'm half blind :|

7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
Do ghante baith kar banaya trial balance. :|

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Stash it in a bank, and go backpacking.

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Hmm. I'd be afraid to botch up things, really. :/

10.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Kya zyaadti hai, har tag par achha likho? Bah, I can't be that good. Not when I'm talking about others. Boohoo.

Here goes.

Dish
: Writes fabulously when she's in her element, can express emotions so well, and is always game for a Gelato outing. :D

Shailja
: Spunk, character, and individuality. You go, girl.

Abhilasha
: Brimming with story ideas, has this striking persona thing going for her, and does what SHE wants.

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Sanity?

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
Hate is a strong word [and I really, really, really...uh.]
Hard to find someone I hate. I can dislike at best. I know, I'm so good. ^_^

13. What is the one thing you cannot live without?
Positive cell phone balance.

14. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
Rather they point it out.

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Moi, who else? :D

16. Are you a shopaholic or not?
*grins guiltily*

17. Find a word to describe the person who tagged you.

Dish : Writesfabulouslywhenshe'sinherelement,canexpressemotionssowell,andisalwaysgameforaGelatoouting. :D

Shailja
: Spunk,character,andindividualityYougo,girl.

Abhilasha : Brimmingwithstoryideas,hasthisstrikingpersonathinggoingforher,anddoeswhatSHEwants.

That'll do, right? :P

18. If you have a chance. Which part of your character you would like to change?
I'd wish to be a harder worker. I'm a lazy ass.

19. Whats the last shocking thing you've seen or heard?
Ooh. Not telling. Classroom gossip. Possibly Breaking News. :D

20. Would you rather have love but no money or money but no love?
Lazy, and greedy too. Both. I demand both! Mwahahaha!
[Deja vu?]

Tagging time :
Aanchal, Aku [Three good things? Omg. Two weeks at least? :P], Anahita, Bharat, Ishmeet, Kika, Kishore, Nidhi [when she returns], Nik [Ha. This is going to be fun.], Shayeri, Shruti and everyone else on the blogroll. I'm just a bachcha. Kill me not. ^_^

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Tag ek

Last movie seen in a theatre:

Khuda Ke Liye. Waaay back in April. Great movie, btw.

Going for Aamir tomorrow, maybe. :D

What book are you reading?:

Airman by Eoin Colfer.

Favourite board game:

Scrabble, Monopoly, TWISTER!

Favourite magazine:

Griha Shobha. Fantastic fashion spreads, oh yeah. And gorgeous, drool worthy mehendi tattoos. Mmm.

Favourite smells:

Freshly baked cake. Rajnigandha. Nyaazboz leaves rubbed between palms. Raat ki Raani. Mogra.

Favourite sound:

The gurgle and subsequent charging of sudden rain showers.

Worst feeling in the world:

Hopelessness. Giving up.

What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?:

Why didn't the alarm ring?!

Favourite fast food place:

Er. Subway? =P

Future child’s name:

Slartibartfast, god bless him/her.

Finish this statement, “If I had a lot of money I’d…” :

Barter it for a lot of time. *sigh*

Do you drive fast?

Drive people mad fast, very fast.

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

Yeah, its a life size teddy bear with a red satin bow around his neck. He's called Chocofudge. Nirula's Chocofudge. Because he's chocolate brown like the HCF, and the red ribbon is symbolic of the red cherry on top of it. Red for love. He loves me. I love him.

Bless you if you believed that.

Do you eat the stems on broccoli?

I hate broccoli. I like vegetables. Just don’t like eating them.

Storms - Cool or Scary?

Cool. Love being drenched and jumping into puddles. ^_^

If you could dye your hair any colour, what would be your choice?

I've already tried copper, red and purple, separately of course. And non permanent. I'd say electric blue next. Block highlights. :D

Name all the different cities/towns you have lived in:

Delhi.

Favourite sports to watch:

Tennis, Kirkut, and sometimes, football.

One nice thing about the person who sent this to you:

Dish: V. empathetic.

Kika: Gets the sarcasm just right, everytime

Lasha: Meri boss? :P

What’s under your bed?

The actual Vasudha, bound and gagged. I'm Polyjuice Potion generated.

Would you like to be born as yourself again?

Sure.

Morning person or night owl?

Morning person and night owl, in shifts.

Over easy or sunny side up?

I don’t like omlettes much, really. I veggie.

Favourite place to relax:

Anyplace where I can walk.

Favourite ice cream flavour:

Chocolate chip. Belgian Dark Chocolate, if its gelato. :D

You pass this tag to –

Next bored person in queue. I be bored. I be boring you. Spread the bore. Mwahaha!
*yawn*

Monday, June 16, 2008

Say what?


Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Argent

[Old draft : 21/04/08 : Do not take time references seriously.]

As a kid, I used to have this great fascination for charm bracelets. It would be the only part of the then-tomboy me that really pleased my mum. She's always been this stickler for looking glamorous/pretty [and in recent times - ravishing :P] and seeing me look wistfully at those thin silver chains made her way happier than seeing me muck around in the mud playing football with the guys.

You can't blame me : I was in love with the concept and still am - getting a plaid little bracelet and putting one charm on it every birthday to commemorate the year gone by. Like collecting time in a vial, and offloading a year's worth of memories into an intricate piece of argent. And having it around your wrist to gift a sudden unconscious smile at an inadvertent glance.

Yesterday, I went to Karol Bagh, probably after two years. Strange how fleetingly perspective stays, as does childish excitement. As I walk through the dingy lanes, I see huge, 20 feet+ banners put up by jewelers, clothes shops, car mechanics, and er..pakodawallas. I know this place vaguely. I recognize names. Bu the facades evade me. My mum's talking to me, unaware I'm lost. I catch an exasperated sigh, and she steers me to a dilapidated staircase with a survivingly familiar stench. And suddenly, I'm the exuberant 9 year old again, the one who wanted an anchor on her charm bracelet, because her favorite restaurant had a sea voyage theme. I look at mum incredulously, and she says, " I thought you'd like a new one, in lieu of the old that broke." I gape, and then I grin, in a broken sort of way.
An hour later, I'm catching the sun in the story woven around my wrist. There's a miniature convertible, hanging for the Britain trip where my dad drove us around, trying his darnest to unlearn standard Delhi honking routines. There's a tiny hairbrush - "Since I nag you enough about your hair." A sole stilleto - " A reminder that beauty with brains includes beauty, and that is NOT chortling around with mud streaks on your face," and a traveling hat [for the vacation to Singa, Malaysia and Thailand, where my sister and I fooled around wearing touristy hats and orange paper umbrellas] glint gleefully. So does a little beer bottle crown - "Papa, Vasu!" she says, not realizing that my dad hates beer. ["Plus, it'll be you soon enough."]

We're walking back, and the streets are lit up, barely recognizable. Bright and agog, this could be anywhere. Unfamiliar faces, unchartered paths; and storehouses of memories might be locked inside the cupboards of those shops, tightly bolted- away from my sight. I'm beginning to wonder if this is the place I once knew, when I see another mirror. The corner park, and the tree I used to climb, fighting for sole rights to the top most branch. The by lanes are still filled with shady characters and swirls of smoke. And at the back of my cupboard, lies a charm bracelet with an anchor dangling from it lopsidedly. Broken, but yet quite whole.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Voices

"Can I have one earphone?"
"Yeah, sure."
"OYE! What is this?!"
"Afterglow. INXS."
"It is so slow... I thought you were a rap person. You look like a rap person. Orrr.. Hip Hop!"
"Um, no. Not rap. Not hip hop either."
"So you listen to Jagjit Singh then?"



"What do you keep on studying, ego and all? How to prove you're the best?"
"Vaidu, its called ECO."



"Yeah, so there was a question in my set that said - Where should a consumer go if dissatisfied with the District Consumer Forum? So I was gonna write National Forum, but I thought,'Vasu gets State Level certificates before National Level ones, and I wrote State Consumer Forum. Guess what, it was right!"



"Kabbadiwaaleyaaaaah, paper, paper. Raddi, puraane darwaaze, kursiyaan de. Purane bartan, pankhen de. Purane fridge, computer, laptop de.."



[watching a 6 year old and a 9 year old tumbling over each other, fighting.]
"I wish I was a kid again."
"Why? So that you could physically assault someone and get away without charges?"



"Oh, shut up. I watch Roadies as a case study in interpersonal sociological dynamics."


Thursday, May 22, 2008

Rain on the green grass, rain on the tree; And rain on the housetop, but not on me.






You know Delhiites love the rain when they leave their houses prepared for impromptu showers, but not impromptu leaks.



Sunday, May 11, 2008

Introducing Bo


Meet Bo, the omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent pseudo God, half Satan.

Bhow, bhow,
Oh my God, its Bo!
You only reap what you sow
You have hairy palms, no?
We shall go - play with Play Doh
Hona hai jo, hone do.
Listen to the crow crow
The Indian Space Research Organisation is called ISRO
You rise when its dark
The heavens break apart
And quote to thee,
Lucifer's child, the ant clark
[Six, six six! The number of the Beast!]
Prepared is thy zoic feast
Thy arrows :
Will through bone marrow
And call to blithe mortals in a low baritone
'Minions, Armageddon nears
Look to the heavens, fear oh fear'
Bo, neo Zeus
Aam, seb, ganna juice
Das rupay, paanch rupay, teen rupay glass
Aao piyo, bahut hai khaas
A glass of sang-froid stands prepared
Vlad [the Impaler] hath not better fared
Slitting the throats of a thousand kind
Slaying more monsters than you can find
Woe betide thee oh Earth and Sea
O Bo, please set us free.

[Yes, I'm back.
Will reply to comments tomorrow though, I'm awfully sorry and awfully tired too. ]

[And the *cough* exquisite poetry is courtesy the us :


l-r, that's Nik, me and Rad. In case you're planning to sue for mental harassment, just er.. forget this. You're hallucinating. Really. :|]

Sunday, April 20, 2008

There's a hole in my world..



& a window next to my seat
A portkey to beyond,
& a speck of green;
A gold peep though bleak black,
Vistas cradled by arcs;
& my looking glass
That makes English classes bearable.
Whew.
:|


I be back.
Soon.
:)

PS : If you care, all photographs changed. Go on, make me happy. Scroll down :D

Sunday, April 13, 2008

I, Chor

Tired, bored and inspirationless. Oh, and a blatant plagiarist.Shamelessly chorofied from Ish's blog :

1. Put your iPod (or other source of music) on shuffle mode.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating!

[All Himes songs stealthily deleted. Shh. :D]

If someone says ‘Is this okay?’, you say?”
Have A Nice Day - Bon Jovi

"Is this okay?"
"Have a nice day"
"Horn okay please"
"ILU ka matlab I Love You"

Aw, deja vu. :P

-

“What would best describe your personality?”
Everybody's Fool - Evanescence

Wow, you're fast. Didn't we just begin?

-

“What do you like in a guy/girl?”
All The Small Things - Blink 182

I'm observant. :D

-

“How do you feel today?”
Dhoom Dhadaka - Kailash Kher

Yes, I'm very likely to just go whoosh! and explode soon.

-

“What is your life’s purpose?”
New Friend Request - Gym Class Heroes

Add me on Facebook! NOW! Quickie!
I'm not that desperate, am I? >_<

-

“What is your motto?”
Clocks - Coldplay

I go tick-tock the whole day.
When its 8:10 I raise my arms to do a Hrithik Roshan from Khwaja Mere Khwaja.
And at 5:30 I stand shiftily resembling someone who needs to go to the loo but can't find one.Slick.

-

“What do your friends think of you?”
Raba - Mekaal Hasan Band

Woohoo, I'm God? :D

-

“What do you think of your parents?”
Hey Bhagwan - Raghu Dixit

Yep, my parents are holy incarnates. I bow down low before thy majesty, m'lords.
Really. Whatever gave you the idea I look at them and say,"Hey Bhagwan"? :P

-

“What do you think about very often?”
Soch - Call

We-ell. *shrugs* At least it implies I think. :P

-

“What is 2+2?”
The Number Of The Beast - Iron Maiden

2+2 = 666
Finally, someone who beats my Math skills!

-

“What do you think of your best friend?”
She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5
.

You bet she[they?] will. :)

-

“What do you think of the person you like?”
Black Magic Woman - Santana

Ooh, gypsy. :D

-

“What is your life story?”
Gudugudiya Sedi Nodo - Raghu Dixit

My life's story doesn't make any sense to me either. :P

-

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Basket Case - Green Day

Good, so at least my preparation is in the right direction.

-

“What do you think when you see the person you like?”
Everything Is Average Nowadays - Kaiser Chiefs

Tsk, tsk. My standards are falling? :P

-

“What do your parents think of you?”
Praarthna - Euphoria

Yeah, they pray for forgiveness for the torture they inflicted upon ye all. :P

-

“What will you dance to at your wedding?”
A Bad Dream- Keane

LOL. I'm a nightmare. *cherubic smile*

-

“What will they play at your funeral?”
Welcome To The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance

Because one day I'll leave you,
A phantom to lead you in the summer,
To join the black parade.

*

Through it all,
The rise and fall,
The bodies in the streets.
And when you're gone we want you all to know

We'll Carry on,
We'll Carry on
Though your dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on

And in my heart I cant contain it
The anthem wont explain it.

Now I'm scared. O.o

-

“What is your hobby/interest?”
Kesariya Balam - Karsan Sagathiya

Listening to songs with tongue twisting names that make people raise eyebrows when I mention them, check.

-

“What is your biggest secret?”
How To Save A Life - The Fray

Mouth to mouth CPR. *grins*

-

“What do you think of your friends?”
Morni - Silk Route

My friends bounce around with weird pageant-like feathery attire?

-

“What should you post this as?”
Gryffindor Rocks - Harry and the Potters

:o!
Gryffindor's for the itsy bitsy puny ones.
Now Slytherin does. :D

-


Time for you, chor. :)

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Untitled

Nestled under the
......bougainvillea bough,
A sliver slides down
......a branch of brown;
A cocoon of hurt
......left midst a walk
Falls into the dust,
......Futile.
The monsters of wrath
......have fallen;
The aqueous bullets
......have slain.
And as I look up to the heavens:
......I breathe in the rain.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Links shinks et cetera

If you've bet on me to retaliate in full fury , go clicketty click and land up on Nik's blog to see my guest post.

If you have extra balance/want to advertise your blog/need to look for lost daughters/are searching for missing English text books/are in love with me/are plain bored, there's a little something at the end of this you might not want to miss. :)

If none of the above. Ah well. Gerrlost. You're supposed to love me. Hmph.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Armageddon

[Nik and I swapped. We presumed the world was sick of our self obsessed, narcissistic selves gloating about who else, but us, on our respective blogs, so we thought a diss war on each other would be a welcome change. Breathe, world for you have been salvaged!]

Vasudha's been nagging me for the past week now to write a post for her as a guest blogger. And since it seems she has managed to teach her pigs to fly and then retrieve the Pandora's Box from an eagle's nest somewhere in North America, I caved.

Vasudha is the kind of person who, on first encounter, will most probably cause you to assume that she is naturally brilliant. But the bright blinding light of intelligence will slowly and quite steadily wane to reveal the inherent idiocy and conspicuous lack all things sensible. You will also soon realize that the kid is completely and utterly insane.
Justifications for this statement would number in the hundreds of millions, one of them being BIRDIE. Birdie is Vasudha's creation and, I quote her, a creation of pure and unadulterated genius. It is a robotic bird whose primary and only purpose is to "stare off" predators (such as: butterflies, fairies form Neverland and furry woodland creatures.) (...) Now you judge and say whether anything with a brain larger than the size of half a pea could have come up with Birdie?
If you remain unconvinced of of my proclamation that She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is psychotic, simply strike up a conversation with Her. All your doubts and misgivings will be decimated.

Despite the fact that Vasudha plays host to traits that would instill treacherous fear in the heart of Hector, I respect her. The reason for this respect is a solitary one: she managed to bring US down to tears.
It was in the tenth grade that US requested her class to give her a unabashed, candid and frank teacher's review. Unfortunate as it may seem, Vasudha was a student of the very class and of course the sadist in her would not let such an opportunity to torment pass. So, as the circumstance presented, she got up and told US that she is the most unforgivably wretched, abysmal and inept teacher that ever disgraced the face of the Earth. Having managed to denigrate and belittle the teacher in a civil and courteous tone and demeanor she wasn't hauled down to the Principle's office for insubordination (no reaming.. lamentable, I agree.) On the contrary a magnificent image that stirs and inspires faith in righteousness was permanently seared into the minds of the students of the class, an image of US welling with tears. Each student in that class is indebted to Vasudha.

Now I'm pretty sure I'm the one in for a reaming, but I hope I managed to unveil the real Vasudha, the unhinged senseless sadist.

-Nik (aka: Nangia, Absentmindednik, Sadist, Cynic, Demented Dumbass, Plain Queer, All that is Wrong with the World, Abominable Being)



In my defence, I reply :
1. Birdie was a robot Nik's brother was planning to make when were in the 9th standard. He was the head of the Robotics dept in his school, and this was his official entry to some Japanese robot making competition. She gave me the cue for it, I only developed on the hints. And it was funnier than this. Hmph.

2. I didn't slaughter the poor teacher, aww her. I just *cough* pointed out some flaws in her teaching method and educational outlook. And said that she um, needed to restart the course [This was in July] since we had basically registered naught, which she did. She hated me with a vengeance after that, still does in fact. She would have been my class teacher had I taken Science, and in the week that I did have Science, she made me realise why my decision to shift was the most extraordinary stroke of brilliance ever, gloriously beating naked Eureka moments.

Links very generously provided by Her Absentmindedness, Nik.
Oh, and its a mutual guest blogging project. Leaves scope for revenge. Check her blog next week. :D




Thursday, March 20, 2008

Help, the Orkut desperadoes are invading reality!

Shh. They're creeping up towards you, silently. Swiftly. Those shadows, they just wavered. There are pin pricks on your neck. They're gaining fast, on tip toes, stealthily. And in one fluid motion they're gonna land right below you ear and whisper softly,"Hiiiiii! Can I do fraandsips with you?"

Yes, m'fraands er, friends, the Orkut desperadoes taketh over. Previously thought to be confined to the shady interiors of your friendly neighborhood cyber cafes, they're coming fast. And how.

13th February, 2008
School reception

The teachers are having a Lohri party of sorts in the staff room, and I'm filling in for the receptionist. The things you have to do just because you're the only bakra on offer, since the Science section has practicals and the rest have prep leave. I sit, resigned. There's a sheaf of blank paper sheets in front of me and I'm waiting for inspiration to strike. But honestly, inspiration can do naught but yawn, looking at me grappling with a distraught mother on the phone who's daughter left her report card in school. So I well, yawn too.

Then, this wiry looking guy walks in, looks around, and rubs his tongue over his wiry looking lips. Let's call him RODT.

RODT : Oh hi. I'm from Oxford Univ Press. Can I meet your Princi?
Me: Princi? Um, right. She's um, occupied at the mo' [rather helpful thumping noise from the staff room], so why don't you have a seat?
RODT : Thank you SO much. Are you in this school?
Me: Uh huh.
RODT : Do you study in this school?
Me: Not really. I mean, yes. Yeah. [starts nodding head real fast]
RODT : I'm doing my MBA.
Me: Oh, um, alright. Glad to know that.
RODT : What class are you in?
Me: 11th.
RODT : I'm Rahul.
Me: Oh. Okay.
RODT : What is your name?
Me: [thinking this is going to be a long day] Vasudha.
RODT : Vaasdha?
Me: No. [pointed stare] Vuh-su-dha.
RODT : Okay! Hi, Vasudha!
Me: Um.
RODT : I like your uniform. Its not skirt-shirt, no? Is it some order or something?
Me: I don't think I would know.
RODT : You are in Science stream?
Me: Nah, Commerce. [Yay, stereotype one. Reason number one to bust this guy]
RODT : Commerce? Oh, even I was from Commerce!
Me: Yeah? Great. [Thanks a God, if any, that the guy didn't say same pinch]
RODT : So so. How much did you get in the tenth?
Me: Um. 93%.
RODT : What? 93% in Commerce?
Me: [Must not hit...must not hit...must not hit...] Yes. 92.8% Whatever.
RODT : Oye hoye! [?!] I got 76% in twelfth. And in my final year graduation, I got 66%. My dad says,"Log toh upar jaate hai, you toh only down jaate ho." I don't know, he is always so dissatisfied with me. Kya yaar.
Me: [O.o Starts beaming out frantic SOS signals] Hey, that's okay. Still a first division. *big cheery grin* [fake]
RODT : Yeah. So what are you planning to do after this?
Me: Huh!? After this?
RODT : After 12th yaar!
Me: Oh. That. Um, I don't know. Something in advertising, I guess.
RODT : Oh ho, so you are a creative person then!
Me: Um, maybe?
RODT : Even I am a creative person yaar. I am going to do advertising after my MBA too.
Me: Good Lord, no..
RODT : What, what?
Me: Me? Nothing, really. *big cheery grin again* [fake]
RODT : Very nice. You know, I like creative peoples very much. So, take one more card of mine, okay? This is a special card for creative peoples like me. So keep in touch, okay? *big cheery grin* [not fake]
Me: [Yeah, I'll keep in touch if it involves kicking wiry asses] Um, right.

I take the special card from his outstretched hand. At the back of it, unlike on the card he gave to be given to my Principal, in big bold letters, is a ten digit phone number.

*


Half an hour later, I rub my hands after a job well done. Every kid from the Science section who had their Chemistry practical that day is in possession of a number they can now call in case they need to creatively tackle their boredom with tales of missing socks, or fires in the bathroom. After all, if the Random Orkut Desperado Types start taking over the world, can the evil She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named Sorts be far behind? :D

----*****----


Update : 30/03/08

Go play. *grins*

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Bad day

There was this nice, happy time once.
A time when I liked Holi.

I fucking hate Holi now.
I mean, really. Do people have to go around on scooters banging eggs into other people's heads? Or into my head?
Or grease covered balloons on my tuition books when I'm right outside my tuition center?

Ah, tuition. That reminds me. I have a new batch. No, no 60 kids sitting in two neat gender based sections this time. It gets better. 6 guys one side, and thy mighty me in the corner on one edge. Woe betide me if I dare tread their side *mock horror*, they will swiftly push their chairs away as far as they can. Woe betide me if I dare initiate a conversation, I am the other species. Woe betide you if you ask me a doubt, the others will stare. And woe betide me if I dare suggest you take my notebook instead of trying to copy the answer discreetly whenever you think I'm not looking.
But I digress.
This is a Holi rant, isn't it?
My neck hurts. The guy was too late with the egg, it burst in his hand, and it was the hand that hit me. I'm strong right? I went ahead till I reached home, shaken but stoic. I walked in, where no one noticed anything since they were too busy with the telly. I'm still strong, so I went upstairs, where my mum told me to take a rickshaw back next time onwards, and get the stink out of my head. I'm really, really strong, so I went to the bathroom to get everything washed out, and as I locked the door, it was only then that I started crying.
Damn.
Bad day.


PS : If you dare comment saying,"Bura na maano, Holi hai;" I will personally roast you alive.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Idiot's Guide to Hacking Into Your Younger Sister's Windows Account

1. Switch on computer.

2. Click on naive-younger-sister's Windows account icon.

3. Ah, you need to enter the password. Click on password hint.

4. Password hint says "Pass word."

5. Pause.
Ponder.
Think of your sister's favorite telly shows.
Hmm.
Recess, Hannah Montana, Lizzie McGuire, Drake and Josh.

6. Type in p-a-s-s-w-o-r-d and press Enter.

7. Bingo.

*


Power to thin brained simpleton siblings! :D

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Yes, a post!

[Alright, so that makes it sound like I think that you think that I think I am overly excited at a new post, right? Well, if you got that, and you think so, then yep, I am!]

So Shruti tagged me, and here goes nothing!
The Rules:

Link to the person that tagged you.

Post the rules on your blog.

Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.

Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.

Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

#1
I like classifying my songs. I have long-car-drives songs [Strings], 12 AM songs [Coldplay], songs for a particularly Ima-do-what-I-want day [Old Bon Jovi stuff, think Dead or Alive, or Blaze of Glory] et al. I actually got up today at 6 [in the morning for a change], got my iPod, arranged my hair in a suitably wild manner, and put on my best rocker on a mission sneer. Then I plugged in the earphones, played You Give Love a Bad Name, and did the whole on-stage routine in front of my bathroom mirror, singing shouting along, until my Mum started banging on the door. It was to beat, so I thought she was probably being appreciative of my performance. Until she barged in and said she'd thwack me hard if I didn't quit it. Sigh. I shall remain an undiscovered musical genius.

[And yes, digression shall live as long as I am alive.]

#2
I hate typing out things. I can never think of things to say when I'm typing. Most of my posts are first written out at night, proof read, typed out, and posted. Give me a black pen [Black is important] and a notebook, and I'll fill it up and return it within the hour. Talk to me online, and you'll be waiting for fifteen minutes to get a reply from me. My lack of conversational skills online are second only to my complete uselessness on the phone.

#3
I can happily spend an entire hour doing nothing but listening to music and reading.
In the bathroom.

#4
I hate stepping on the edges of tiles. I like to walk one foot bang in the middle of one tile, next foot on the opposite adjacent tile on top when I'm walking on tiled floors. Stepping on the lines is a cardinal sin.

#5
I don't know if this is weird, but no one else I know admits to it. I really like going to school. Okay, so it is weird. But I don't know, I like the place. I've never taken leave unless I could help it, or if I have, it was only so I didn't get the nerdy looking 100% certificate. Maybe its something to do with the fact that the school magazine has articles titled "The Ultimate Guide To Handle Post Break-up Blues." Go, freedom of creative expression! :D

#6
I think this tag is an oxymoronish tag. How can I write six non important things about myself? If its about me, its important! :D
More important stuff then, because I think the blog is looking quite dreary, and well, I feel like putting up some snaps. There, no more justification required.
[In case you're wondering, I also suffer from having an incredibly bloated up self image, though I sometimes swing to self deprecating too]

I like photography, or whatever little I can do of it with my ancient 3.2 megapixel camera.


Enough fodder for a day, I guess. And I tag :

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Swings


Remember the exhilarating rush of air that almost went through you the last time you sat on a swing? As if the breeze wanted to thwack you hard and say, "Fool! You rebuffed me for so long for the wily charms of a piece of wired metal?" Remember being held back, being bound by the chains of the swing, and yet being so free? The reassurance that you could just press your feet down and the world would instantly, miraculously, cease to rush? The satisfaction of being the master of your own invisible parabolic path? Of being at one with the wind; of being the mighty unseen itself? The innate joy on knowing that all it took to proceed for evermore was keeping your best feet forward? That all it took to rise above the rest of the world was your own self? That life could be as lazily slow or as spurtively fast as you chose to make it? That jumping mindlessly off the swing at its curved peak gave some crazy inner pleasure that no safe and staid thing could? Because risks pay off. Because when you're at the top, all of life's inanities seem just so mundane, so futile, and so...trivial.
Live. Breathe. Now.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Images

A Metro ride.
A young child pushing his mother ahead on a wheelchair. The Metro jolts to a stop. The child loses balance. The wheelchair moves topsy-turvily. A face freezes, numb; unaware, or reeling under a shock. A youth rushing to his feet. Strong hands clamping the handles. The reappearance of a smile. The sweaty backside of a hand being rubbed against a forehead in relief.

A Metro ride.
A crowded station. People getting back from work. A foreigner being stared at. The foreigner being jostled inside. A snigger. Poochh gore se kahaan se tapka hai? Feet being shuffled nervously. Eyes kept low. Dekhta hai jaise Hindustan par robe chalta hai, saala. Eyes being closed. Another pair of eyes glaring.

A Metro ride.
Announcements.
Please do not befriend any strangers on the Metro station or trains.
Metro station vaha rail par kisi anjaan aadmi se baat naa karen.

A Metro ride.
Scalding tea and a freezing brownie. A panic attack under urgent suppression; postponement. A lone shiver. A lone passenger waiting. Silence. My solitary shadow trespassing the rail tracks, only to be erased by an incoming train that breaks through my thoughts. A welcome break.


Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Winters

Golden streams cascading down
My eyes bow low before who
Lulling me softly to a world beyond
The rich amber an intoxicating dream

Early morning tingles
A shiver upon my brow
Cold marble beneath my feet
A lazy ether locked tightly in a jar

Hot soup and Parmesan sprinkles
Guised alien woolen quadruplets
Long hot water baths
Extra large Fries

Human puffballs
Five-minute-more naps
Five-rupee-coffee breaks
Five-AM dark skies
Five-PM fiery hues

Rediscovering winter-y songs
Deja vu
Losing yourself
Peek-a-boo with life
Thought treks
Oddities and oddness
Contentment.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Business Studies

Ever wondered how much happier a place the world would be if jeans' manufacturers tagged their jeans two sizes too small?



I've been studying. Yeah, right.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Clothes maketh the woman, and irketh the parents

Yesterday was one of my Damn-I-Care Dress Days. Damn-I-Care Dress Days usually involve one or more of the following : neon coloured hair extensions, ties, copious amounts of kohl, fishnet ankle socks, fingerless gloves, Tantra tees, and ribbons as laces [I have a thing for clothes, don't I? :P] Yesterday's inspiration for Damn-I-Care Dress Day was Billie Joe Armstrong. Use a simple Permutation and Combination formula [the same P and C things you learnt your teacher taught in class] and you get a fair idea of what I looked like. By some weird twist of fate I have yet to figure out, Damn-I-Care Dress Days coincide with Days People Pretend To Not Know Me. You go figure. :P

So how do I manage to get permission to step out of the house looking like a punk reject? Presenting : The 123 strategy for successfully manipulating parents to agree with your dressing sensibilities!
*pauses for applause*
Ah, thank you, thank you. And you!
*wipes proud tear from eye*

Without further ado:

Step 1:
Choose a suitable, spectacle free time to present yourself.

If your mum is like mine, she's probably busy for most part of the day. Plus she's absent minded, so she's pretty likely to forget where she last kept her specs. Like I say [and she vehemently denies], age catches up. There's your break. Seize the moment. Ask her how you look. Since she won't admit to the failing eyesight, she'll have to make do with a blurry view. Parental egos can be helpful sometimes. So the mother pretends to look intrigued, when inside she is in a state of utter mental turmoil.

YOU - "How do I look, Mum?"

MUM BRAIN IN ACTION - "That get up is sort of weird, isn't it? Stop. Are those even clothes? Note to self : wear lenses permanently. If I say she looks blasphemous, she'll ask her whys and hows. Which, curse those glasses, I can't answer. Pfft. Un-blasphemous is safer."

MUM - "Um, good. Yeah."


Slick.
Easy does it.

*


Step 2:
The Mind Game

What does your average, normal teen love the most? Disagreeing with her parents on most matters. What do your average, normal parents love the most? Disagreeing with their most-unlike-us-when-we-were-sensible-adolescents teen on most matters. How do you tap into this humongous potential source of freedom? Just think of what a goody, goody you from a parallel universe would say. Thought? Now play the reel backwards.

YOU - "Hey, mum. Don't I look absolutely scruffy?"

MUM BRAIN IN ACTION - "Absolutely WHAT?! Isn't that MY dialogue? Oh Ram, Ram. None of the Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi episodes showed Tulsi handling this. What do I do? Dharm Sankat. Breathe in, breathe out. Count to 10. 1..2...3...4.. Beep, beep. One message received. Normal Parental Response says to contradict the little high headed miss. Ha! Take that, o kid of mine! I will NOT agree to what you say! Mwahahaha!

MUM - "Why, not really, no. You look pretty spiffing good!"

YOU - "Haan, matashree. Aapke vichaar sarvochch satya hain."

I'm an agyakaari daughter. :P

*


Step 3:
Tap the You're-My-Idol Advantage

Now that you've gone past base camp, you need to ensure it withstands future outings too. Give an indirect ego boost. Butter up!

YOU - "This brooch looks good, doesn't it? Exactly like the one in your college reunion photograph, no?"

MUM BRAIN AT THOUGHT - "What a pet! She absolutely adores me! And that brooch really does go with those, um, shreds of cloth. Even if it is barely visible under those...whatever they are. At least she thought of wearing it, my perfect little punkster princess! Siiiiiigh."

MUM -" *overcome with emotion* Yes, dear. * gulp* It does."

YOU - *saintly smile*

And there you have it.
Strike three, and OUT! :D

Friday, January 18, 2008

Procrastination

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[Till my final exams only :)]

 

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