Saturday, October 4, 2008

How B. Sir Was Hugged, Shocked, and Got a Life.

By Suku Iyer

It is one of those sunny days, when half the class is sleeping and only people like M seem to be tolerating [actually, attentively listening] to Sir's soporific voice. "Oh, my dear, my attention." Suddenly, in a flurry of perfume, this chirpy female with a fake grin enters our class. "Hi!!! Siiir!" "Hullo Shefali." [All of a sudden everyone in the class is paying rapt attention and this murmur circultaes,"Isn't that Shefali T.? God she's so fat!"]
Not noticing this, she screams,"Hii everyone", and our class is suddenly and uncharacteristically solemn. Then, out of the blue, she goes and hugs Sir. Now Sir, not being used to such affection is caught unawares and his eyes almost jump out of their sockets. [She's supposedly a model, hence, the gogglingness!] This is too much for us, so we start staring big time at Sir and his model. Sir, seeing us, and thinking his reputation to be at stake, very shrewdly takes her outside. We hear a "So how are you, Shefali?" in his special husky voice. Everyone in class is almost falling out of their seats trying to listen to them. [This is a girls school, so gossip is like water, hence quintessential] She [Shefali] is unnerved by our very 'decent' reactions, and carries on in her super audible voice..
"Oh Sir, I completely forgot! This is my husband!" "Oh, hullo." [Shit man, Sir's face was so shrivelled up, you actually felt bad for that beast] Our class, ever so soigne, screams,"Chhee! He's so ugly; uncle! Urgh!" Just when we seem to get over the shock, she jumps inside the class, with a Wonder Womanish air around her. "Hiii everyone!" This time around, we all reply religiously. "HIII!" "So how's Sir teaching you guys? He's brilliant, isn't he?" [Yeah, right, he may be the god of Accounts, but I still don't give a shit. But then, she doesn't care for mine or anyone's opinion and continues.] "Does he still give you the Boston-Bombay example? When we were students, he always gave us that one!" [A whisper follows. "Yaar, why is she bullshitting so much?"]
Sir seems to realise that Shefali dearest is with the class, and comes inside shiftily. [He doesn't trust us at all, you know.] "Oh no Shefali, that was for your batch only." "Okay, okay then bye Sir!" [Hum dobaara milenge na Shefali?] "Bye everyone!" ["Please dobaara aana Shefali...."]

And so she leaves, leaving us with enough gossip and hot news to share with our fellow chugalkhors.


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