Monday, April 30, 2007

Dear Mr. Bal Thackerey,

I wish to express my complete support to the Shiv Sena's protests against Richard uncle snogging Shilpa aunty.I mean, what does uncle think he was doing, kissing her in full public view and all.Tch tch.What will Sharma uncle tell Pappu when he asks what Richard uncle was doing?

"Haw betaa, yeh kya dekh rahe ho? Quick quick, change the channel.Aah, this is better.Now lets watch this educational documentary on Khajuraho...."

Yes Sir, definitely, it is a commendable effort on your part.Imagine, telling your child that Richard uncle was actually *horror of horrors* kissing poor Shilpa aunty? Yeah, committing the same atrocious sin that Pappu's mummy commits everyday when she kisses him good night? Tauba tauba.

And anyway, these things should be banned.Imagine, how can anyone do what they [those inconsequential creatures that they are] think is alright, if someone as great as your almighty highness thinks it to be wrong?!?!

Uncle's "attack on our cultural ethos" toh you protested Sir, but what really amazes me is that you still haven't come out demanding for my arrest yet.Or maybe Prerna hasn't really talked to yet.That would be strange, considering how she's already told everyone within Hindi speaking limits about my despicable escapades. Anyhow,Sir, I would like to voluntarily offer myself for arrest, since I have performed the banal sin of making my d's as curvy and intricate as possible, and I happen to have a really good friend called Disha, so isn't it obvious that I am so completely in lurve with her? I mean, what could be more blatantly obvious?!

I am very sorry for going against our culture and showing such corrupt mentality, and almost nil morality.I hope you will fittingly rebuke me.

Sigh.I am really sorry to have gone against you Sir, but as Prerna tells me, I have to bear the brunt of my horrendous actions.I hope you will take strict action against me [but please, don't burn my life size effigies, because my gigantic size might make it difficult for you to make them life size.]

With deep apologies, and profound respect,

A very shameless blogger.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Utterly nonsensicial musings of a bored bleuh-ger : Three ain't a crowd

So I'm bored and this is gonna be utterly nonsensical.Ah.Here goes nothing.

25th April,2007 A.D.

Carmel Convent v/s Red Roses Public School [no typos there :P]
Set one : 22-25
Set two : 16-25

Gah.So we lost.No surprises there.But this?!

Yes, millord, in addition to being battered, bruised, and shouted upon, I beg the jury to see that my client was also blinded by a super sonic projectile smacking her face and was therefore, incapable to see what she was doing.And hence, she does not need to be shouted at the very next day, and be made to take extra rounds of the sports field.And therefore, is completely at liberty to sue the school for mental agony and physical torture, not to mention child exploitation.

Over ruled??


And this is the discovery of the week.
Know why Tata-Sky sells like hot cakes Converse high-tops?
Instead of having a child lock on channels like most other stuff, they have.....*cough* a Parental Lock!
I dunno if that is an inadvertent error or a sly marketing ploy, but ha.
*mirthless laughter*
They sure know who's boss.


[UNMBB without HP? In your dreams, missy.]

Would you name your kid Narcissa? I mean, what sort of a parent [even a pure blood fanatic] would want their child to be self obsessed? And come to think of it, Narcissa Black isn't even that narcissistic if you see - the woman was more concerned about saving Draco's skin, than thinking about what the repercussions would be if Snape chinese whispered to Voldy.

And unrelated fodder for thought :

JKR: "There is a character who does manage, in desperate circumstances, to do magic quite late in life, but that is very rare..."

On her website, "there IS a significant - even crucial - answer" to the following question: How and why did Dumbledore have James' invisibility cloak?"


Bored, so bored...
Bored bored bored bored
I'm so bored....

Oh c'mmon, you can always Take [P]Lite.......:P

Wednesday, April 18, 2007


Haze Blues Bar, Priya Cinema Complex, Vasant Vihar, New Delhi

So what came first : the name or the smoke?

Saturday, April 14, 2007

A Tale Of Two...

Today I went for two birthday bashes.

At the 18year old's party I had a Sprite.
At the 10year old's party I had a Breezer.

At the 18year old's party, we pretended we were freak dancing, and had a laugh about it.
At the 10year old's party, the kids freak danced, and I tried to laugh at it, but couldn't.

At the 18year old's party, the Deejay played I wanna love you.
At the 10year old's party, the Deejay played I wanna fuck you.

At the 18year old's party, everyone wore normal clothes.
At the 10year old's party, everyone wore clothes that would've caused the I&B Ministry to ban the channel that showed them on grounds of not being in "good taste or decency".

And if you think I mixed up the ages,

I got a return gift at the 10 year old's birthday.

Thursday, April 12, 2007


It just ain't fair.
The Commerce people get to watch movies 'cause their teachers aren't there.
The Humanities people get to loiter around the whole school 'cause their teachers are there but don't teach.
And what do WE get?

[we includes me,
right now.Hopefully, I'll be able to switch to Comm by tomorrow]

Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, we get to slog it out with weirdly accented Chem teachers [an-aye-YAWNZZZ] and double Physics periods.Oh, and an English teacher who's taken it as her life's mission to complete half our book [called.....Hornbill *snorts*] before Summer hols.

Did I say Physics?
Tch tch.

Especially with apparently-Oxford-educated US.
One and a quarter hours of Units and Measurements and ta-daaaa:

The Physuckian-braino Theory
-couresty Vasudha W. and Nikita N.

The mass of the brain at a specific time = B , where B is expressed in kg which is a BASE unit.

Time = t , where t is expressed in seconds which is also a BASE unit.

Mass of brain before Physucks = B1
[NOTE: B1 >1]

Mass of brain after Physucks = B2

Duration of Physucks period = t

According to the PBT,
1.B2 is a constant, equal to zero.
2.For anyone in 11B:
Rate of depletion of brain = [B2 - B1]/t
= kg/ s ,which is a DERIVED unit.

Rate for 11b-ians is always negative.This shows that the mass of brain decreases with an increase in the time spent in the Physucks class.

3.For apparently-Oxford-educated-US
Rate of action on brain [B2 - B1]/t is always positive.
This can be explained due to the fact that mass of brain in US is close to zero at the beginning of the class.Due to the presence of a higher concentration of brain mass in the people sitting in class, namely Nik Nangia, among others, some mass diffuses into US's brain.Therefore, by the end of the class,
B2 > zero.
Which means,
[B2 - B1]/t is more than zero.


Oh, and Nangia wanted to add a corollary, in case we get to share the [Ig] Nobel:

For calculating rate of depletion of Vasudha's brain:
B is ≥ zero.
However, for all practical purposes Bvasudha = 0.


Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Utterly nonsensical musings of a bored bleuh-ger : Two for joy this feels like home. Presenting UNMBB , with all its randomness, yet again :

Finally returned to school after three months, and the only thing I've realised it that three months away from school doesn't quite make the bimbettes sane[like anything could].But anyway, first day of school, Computer Science.The CS teacher, obviously used to the lack of normal people in CS by now, tries to get out of teaching us, and drones about what we're gonna be covering this year.
"So, apart from the history of computing, we shall also be studying programming..."
-pauses, because a specimen of the aforesaid species has raised her hand.
"But ma'am, uh uh uh, I thought we would make programs in class XI....?"

Sigh.I should've told her that apart from programs, we'd also be making itineraries.Something tells me she would've believed me.

The Deathly Hallows' cover's been released.Now, this definitely ain't my favourite cover yet, but, I dunno if you people have noticed, there's this thing which looks uncomfortably like an elf [Dobby?Winky?Kreacher?!?!] grasping Harry's shoulder and waving this sword which looks a lot Godric Gryffindor's sword. JKR's already said they're gonna be two deaths in DH.However much I'd like to disbelieve it, the cover looks *shivers* frighteningly ominous.

[More later in the Deathly Hallows post]

Anyone heard the rumours?

Contrary to her describing herself as an uh...something Martian, recent reports state what Disha actually looks like.
Don't believe me?
Read this
Disha Pandey was in the News!

Bangladesh is my new favourite cricket team.

And the best part? Its all our own fault.If we hadn't been hell bent on Partition [we being pre1947 Indians] [and okay, the Muslim League and Hindu Mahasabha were the ones hell bent, but ultimately everyone agreed to it.So,whatever.] then, Pakistan, India and Bangladesh would have had a common cricket team.So, India and Pakistan would still be in the WC; Sachin would still have endorsements and would hit sixes, if only, in ads;and maybe, only maybe, I wouldn't think Shoaib Akhtar was that ugly.

I think insanity's come a-visiting.


Tuesday, April 3, 2007

And incidentally....

Final Result for Award of Scholorship
National Talent Search Scheme 2006
National Talent Promotion Scheme 2006

Regret ! You are not selected for award of scholorship .

Regret! I was not chosen!?!?!
Darn man.The schol"o"rship was all I lived for.
Curse CBSE!
Curse NCERT!

........and she went to back to her humdrum life again.


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