Yesterday was one of my Damn-I-Care Dress Days. Damn-I-Care Dress Days usually involve one or more of the following : neon coloured hair extensions, ties, copious amounts of kohl, fishnet ankle socks, fingerless gloves, Tantra tees, and ribbons as laces [I have a thing for clothes, don't I? :P] Yesterday's inspiration for Damn-I-Care Dress Day was Billie Joe Armstrong. Use a simple Permutation and Combination formula [the same P and C things you learnt your teacher taught in class] and you get a fair idea of what I looked like. By some weird twist of fate I have yet to figure out, Damn-I-Care Dress Days coincide with Days People Pretend To Not Know Me. You go figure. :P
So how do I manage to get permission to step out of the house looking like a punk reject? Presenting : The 123 strategy for successfully manipulating parents to agree with your dressing sensibilities!
*pauses for applause*
Ah, thank you, thank you. And you!
*wipes proud tear from eye*
Without further ado:
Step 1:
Choose a suitable, spectacle free time to present yourself.
If your mum is like mine, she's probably busy for most part of the day. Plus she's absent minded, so she's pretty likely to forget where she last kept her specs. Like I say [and she vehemently denies], age catches up. There's your break. Seize the moment. Ask her how you look. Since she won't admit to the failing eyesight, she'll have to make do with a blurry view. Parental egos can be helpful sometimes. So the mother pretends to look intrigued, when inside she is in a state of utter mental turmoil.
YOU - "How do I look, Mum?"
MUM BRAIN IN ACTION - "That get up is sort of weird, isn't it? Stop. Are those even clothes? Note to self : wear lenses permanently. If I say she looks blasphemous, she'll ask her whys and hows. Which, curse those glasses, I can't answer. Pfft. Un-blasphemous is safer."
MUM - "Um, good. Yeah."
Slick.
Easy does it.
Step 2:
The Mind Game
What does your average, normal teen love the most? Disagreeing with her parents on most matters. What do your average, normal parents love the most? Disagreeing with their most-unlike-us-when-we-were-sensible-adolescents teen on most matters. How do you tap into this humongous potential source of freedom? Just think of what a goody, goody you from a parallel universe would say. Thought? Now play the reel backwards.
YOU - "Hey, mum. Don't I look absolutely scruffy?"
MUM BRAIN IN ACTION - "Absolutely WHAT?! Isn't that MY dialogue? Oh Ram, Ram. None of the Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi episodes showed Tulsi handling this. What do I do? Dharm Sankat. Breathe in, breathe out. Count to 10. 1..2...3...4.. Beep, beep. One message received. Normal Parental Response says to contradict the little high headed miss. Ha! Take that, o kid of mine! I will NOT agree to what you say! Mwahahaha!
MUM - "Why, not really, no. You look pretty spiffing good!"
YOU - "Haan, matashree. Aapke vichaar sarvochch satya hain."
I'm an agyakaari daughter. :P
Step 3:
Tap the You're-My-Idol Advantage
Now that you've gone past base camp, you need to ensure it withstands future outings too. Give an indirect ego boost. Butter up!
YOU - "This brooch looks good, doesn't it? Exactly like the one in your college reunion photograph, no?"
MUM BRAIN AT THOUGHT - "What a pet! She absolutely adores me! And that brooch really does go with those, um, shreds of cloth. Even if it is barely visible under those...whatever they are. At least she thought of wearing it, my perfect little punkster princess! Siiiiiigh."
MUM -" *overcome with emotion* Yes, dear. * gulp* It does."
YOU - *saintly smile*
And there you have it.
Strike three, and OUT! :D
32 comments:
ROFL, I would have tried all of those, too bad my mum has the hawk eye too. Everybody in the family is born with it, totally sucks when it becomes a disadvantage though. However, my mother doesn't mind me looking weird because she's never home when I decide to go out. And there's always this black jacket that can hide the upper portion of the body, about the jeans..I do stuff with them on the way to wear I'm going. And accessories, I don't wear much so all in all, the more difficult part is to convince her to GO OUT rather than to GO OUT LIKE THAT. My mother's always in the "Why don't you study you a**hole?" kind of a mood and my reply is "Hey dude, I'm going to the tuition". Yea, I call my mum dude..what..do only you have the right to be weird?! :P
I did the Billie Joe look a month back I suppose, turned out to be a total disaster. People just don't understand the punk look! Thank God I wasn't wearing the eye shadow or else it would have been like a total disaster. One of the people specially came up to tell me that I was looking like a clown stuck midway between home and school clothes with weird shoes. I was like..okay..you're telling me my shows are weird?! What if I tell you they'd leave a good mark on your face and that'd become the best feature of your body. :P
I don't have a pair of shoes like the ones Billie wears though, totally sucks.
why are you such an amazing writer and how do you still remember that muchj amount of hindi even when you've not read 1 word of it for, like almost a year?
sigh!!!1
LMFAO...
that, my naive little friend, never works. not in the world outside of celluloid anyway..
Billie Joe, eh?! that, i wanna see. how bout on the 26th?? (promise to give the critic's review on the poem)
Ishmeet : Haha, no calling your mum dude is totally acceptable. I call mine yaaaaaaaaar. :D Come to think of it, I call everyone/everything yaaaaar. Half of my sentences end up like that. You know, kya yaaaaaaaaar. Uff yaaaaaaaar. :P
Lol, you should go easy on the eye shadow anyway. And just because you're wearing a collared shirt with a tie, people think you're obsessed with school clothes. I mean, how...narrow minded! :P What about my right to freedom of clothing?! :P
LMAO @ kicking the guy's [I'm presuming it was a guy] face. :P
Kritika : Where have you been?! :o And Hindi stubbornly persists. :P Good thing, or I'd have been chucked out of the Hindi Debate Club by now. Not that we do anything, but...one more badge. :D
Where do you blog now?
Nik : Does too. Eet eez all the true. :D 26th sounds cool, Oxford? :D And naaaah, I'm done with Billie Joe, though I can promise purple streaked hair. :P
OMG, I do the yaar think a lot too. And my mum doesn't mind names anymore cause I've called her by different ones ever since I was born. My favorite line to theme these days is, "Yaar, aap log to bilkul bekaar ho, pata hai na?". :P
Yep, you don't wear ties in here except when you're going to school or on a party. And that day I'd worn the blue tie with the blue jeans and that was like as natural as it gets. Billie Joe wears black with red, I didn't wanna test their sense of fashion to that extent. Well, it seems they don't understand after all. For a majority of the people, Converse high tops mean girly shoes. The only kind of extraordinary clothes they know are Eminem style i.e. over sized t-shirts with a blue jeans and stuff. They haven't grown beyond that. There are three kind of people, either the Eminem kind, the normal kind and the really champu chameli ke tel kind of people. So anything slightly punk and extraordinary totally falls out of these three categories and you're labeled a weirdo. But oh well I don't care. I don't feel any shame, I won't apologize, cause there ain't nowhere you can go. Running away from pain when you've been victimized, tales from another broken home. You're leaving! [Jesus of Suburbia].
Ooh, you just gave me a better idea! I'ma kick him in the shins if he says that again. As they say, only a girl knows a guy's weaknesses, thanks for reminding me where it hurts the most. :P
Ishmeet : lol, mine is more along the lines of "Don't blame me for what I did! Its all in the genes!" :P
I um, er...wore a black tee and a red tie. :D And you peolpe seem to be in the pre-Converse revolution then. EVERY guy wears high tops here, Levi's, RBK...all of them have a wannabe Converse range.
I forgot the whole Eminem scene! :O YES! And the Eminem people are usually accompanied by 50 Cent impersonators, wearing these blinding diamonte lockets. Ahem. :P
I'd have got the song even if you hadn't written it. Jesus of Suburbia is one of my favourite Greenday songs! :D
Oh.LOL. My pleasure. [What did I do, btw? :P]
Haha, I do the genes part too sometimes. Mine happens in a different way though. When dad's angry, he calls me "khote da puttar" sometimes and I just say, "Yeah right..your puttar after all". I hope you know what khote da puttar means though. :P
We are in a pretty much Pre-Converse world in here. The things are changing slowly but people still don't have enough courage to wear high tops. They'll wear the low ones happily though and yeah..the Levi's ones are totally hip amongst the guys these days. I don't like them much though, the All Stars are cooler for me. You can't just buy them like that, you've got to look at the color and all that.
OMG, 50 Cent! That t-shirt of his album "Get Rich or Die Tryin" is probably the most worn t-shirt around here, and it's lame! I'd wear a white one with Greenday written on it any day of the week. Eminem was okay at one point of time, now he's rather annoying and I've never liked 50 Cent and so I've become a rap hater over the years. But well, I do get a lot of "Greenday sucks" and "Coldplay cries" in return.
I knew you would have gotten the song but I wrote it in their very reluctantly just in case you didn't know it and you'd or somebody else would think I'm some emo guy or something of that sort. :P
kicking the guy's [I'm presuming it was a guy] face.
^^ That line somehow reminded me that there are places other than the face where one can hit too. Dunno, but it just occurred to me after reading that comment. :P
Ishmeet : My Punjabi ain't that far gone yet. :D I can get it when people speak it, sorta decipher it when its written, but I can NOT speak Punjabi for nuts. :P But yes, khote da puttar isn't very hard. :P
Well, that's a start. You'll catch up soon, once 50 Cent starts wearing diamond studded high tops, don't worry. :D
sounds good.. and if u get grounded again, i'll kick ur ass.
*gives a tough look, fails miserably; ends up looking like an idiot trying to make something move use her "mind"*
LOL, 50 Cent and his diamond studded tops. He'd probably have a couple of tattoos on them too. Man, the guy is lame. I'm pretty sure his range of shoes would go "In Da Club" every time they hit the floor like those shoes which the small kids have which have lights and sounds and stuff. :P
Nik : Won't get grounded, just won't be able to spare a lot of time. Tuition. :(
ESP! :D
:P
Ishmeet : Haha, and instead off playing Dhoom off key, they'd play Technology instead :P
ESP is extrasensory perception.. like telepathy, not moving things using ur mind.
anyhow... if not now, how bout after the finals (mine r after urs)?
LOL. So I know 2 people who are Billie Joe fans. :D
Now if I find someone doing the KISS look with complete face paint, it'll convince me to go out biting Ravens heads! :P
Nik : Ah. Crap. :P
Sure thing, but I'll tuitions. Everyday. :P Sigh. No problem-o, I'll bunk one I guess. :)
Geek Wrestler : Hehe, look around, enough weirdos. You'll find some soon. :P And thanks for visiting! :)
Prerna : Lol. And I know. I got self actualized. :P You think I'm a punk pass? :D
My dressing style oscillates between grungy and semi-formal. And I echo Ishmeet's statement. Going out is the problem, not going out dressed ridiculously.
As for Green Day and Billie Joe Armstrong. I don't know what the hell kind of music they make but it's not punk. Neither is their dressing style. Punk was an anti-system movement which sought to eschew the hypocrisy and glamour of the popular music scene of the late 70s and early 80s. And they contradict that smack bang.
I'd call it a more malleable form of punk [@the clothes only, mind you :P] And a less painful, less extreme version of the 70s and 80s [think:safety pins through ears].
As for the music, I'd semi-concede there, since they do have songs like Working Class Hero and American Idiot, which aren't anti-pop, but they're still pro-rebellion, anti-establishment. But then, it IS only sometimes. :P Truce? :P
Lol, early punksters didn't really strange clothing. No converse high tops, no studded leather jackets, no creepy face paint. But things change with time I guess. Look at what progressive rock started out as and what it became by late 70s. Working Class Hero is actually a cover of a John Lennon song which was more powerful and has a better impact because it doesn't try so hard to make one. I've always seen Green Day as hypocritic sellouts. I mean, just look at The Sex Pistols and Green Day. You'll see the difference. But yeah, truce :P
And safety pins through the ears? Holy cow, never knew anything about that.
@Bharat: Billie Joe doesn't wear Converse high tops, neither does he wear a leather jacket and he only uses eye-shadow, no face paint. Having said that, American Idiot is not much on the punk side of things. However, if you go really back and check our Kerplunck and Nimrod, that's where they are more on the punk side of things. And anyway, Sex Pistols was way punkier than Green Day is but it's everybody's choice. I've not come across one guy who likes both Green Day and Sex Pistols. These bands hate each other. John Lydon has never hesitated in calling Billie Joe a kid and stuff like that. So yeah, there has been a lot of bad blood between them but I refuse to accept that Green Day are hypocritic sellouts, that's not fair. Sex Pistols was one genre, Green Day caters to a different kind of people and the ones who like them will tell you they are not crap like lot of people think. It's just that one defends the band one likes and they automatically think that the band which their favorite band doesn't like is crap. You've got to have a more open view, y'know.
You know what Green Day should do? Call their music neo-punk or something :P
But then I am no expert on punk. I am more of a hippie. I mean I actually said 'Peace out dude' to my Physics teacher once. It doesn't sound like much but it was hilarious if you'd witnessed the entire scene.
I don't dislike Green Day just because Lydon hates 'em. I just like to make big controversial satements like that. I'm like Noel Gallagher. :P
-sigh-
[And that will be it. :P I'm too tired to write a longer reply]
@Bharat: Yeah, that part I can agree on. GREENDAY should stop calling themselves proper punksters now. They have become more of something between punk and alternative and stuff. I'm sorry I don't know much about the further subtypes of Rock. My division is like Pop, Rock, Metal though Metal sometimes comes under Rock. It's all very confusing.
However, I do think all Green Day songs have a punk angle to them don't they? If we look at St. Jimmy's ending paragraph, it does have lines like "I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies and Just cause because we're outlaws yeah" so all that is punk right? All songs have lines against America but maybe we don't get it because we don't live in there. It's just that the language is more subtle. Also, rappers are outlaws too aren't they? So that means rap is punk and punk is rap? Okay, I'm messing up now.
@Vasudha: You seriously need to do better than that, trust me. :P
and dont u dare get ur useless self grounded
Alright-o.Here's doing better then. :P
Note : Its only on the clothes part, 'cause that is more of my forte than music. :P
Talking of strange clothing and them safety pins , I hereby rest my case. :D
@ Nik : Naaaah, never. :P
Ok punk is a genre of music, not public speaking. Don't you go mixing up punk and rap :P
As for those strange clothes, Lydon had a wardrobe malfunction, he told me so himself and the rest are dressed normally. By rockstar standards anyway. And those safety pins look like earrings resembling safety pins and not actual safety pins. *shrugs* I'd never rip my pants or colour my hair. Every other fellow dresses like a pseudo-punkster or wannabe Puff Daddy here, I simply won't stand out unless I wear something outrageous like flannel shirts and dirty old jeans. :P
Oh and meet Mr.Frowny Ninja ):
Piss me off and he'll make you pay.
Peace~
That'd be my comment. Mr. Ninja killed Anony Mous for stealing my comment.
R.I.P A.Mous
uh huh!
Lol. I couldn't get the safety pin photograph, the only one I have is in this book called An Illustrated History of Rock Music, which I found among my mum's old books. No scanner, so :(
I love the second point..I use that one a lot.. reverse psychology. You know your parents are going to hate it, so you voice out their thoughts before they do.
Alas, it doesn't work now.
They have learned to agree with what i say.
"don't I look absolutely horrid in this semi-transparent shirt and low waist jeans"
"yes you do.."
"uhh.. I do?"
"yes"
damn.
will try out the other two points now.. hope it works.
too bad i gave up on the low waist jeans.. find them stupid now.
Hershey : Maybe they've been conditioned enough that if you go back to normalcy, they'll still agree to what you say without paying attention to what it is. Pavlov :D
Best of luck with the others.And um, semi transparent shirts? :P You don't happen to have a thing for Govinda, do you? :P
That...was some bit of hopeless advice or something?? grea read man...seriously..
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