Yesterday was one of my Damn-I-Care Dress Days. Damn-I-Care Dress Days usually involve one or more of the following : neon coloured hair extensions, ties, copious amounts of kohl, fishnet ankle socks, fingerless gloves, Tantra tees, and ribbons as laces [I have a thing for clothes, don't I? :P] Yesterday's inspiration for Damn-I-Care Dress Day was Billie Joe Armstrong. Use a simple Permutation and Combination formula [the same P and C things you learnt your teacher taught in class] and you get a fair idea of what I looked like. By some weird twist of fate I have yet to figure out, Damn-I-Care Dress Days coincide with Days People Pretend To Not Know Me. You go figure. :P
So how do I manage to get permission to step out of the house looking like a punk reject? Presenting : The 123 strategy for successfully manipulating parents to agree with your dressing sensibilities!
*pauses for applause*
Ah, thank you, thank you. And you!
*wipes proud tear from eye*
Without further ado:
Step 1:
Choose a suitable, spectacle free time to present yourself.
If your mum is like mine, she's probably busy for most part of the day. Plus she's absent minded, so she's pretty likely to forget where she last kept her specs. Like I say [and she vehemently denies], age catches up. There's your break. Seize the moment. Ask her how you look. Since she won't admit to the failing eyesight, she'll have to make do with a blurry view. Parental egos can be helpful sometimes. So the mother pretends to look intrigued, when inside she is in a state of utter mental turmoil.
YOU - "How do I look, Mum?"
MUM BRAIN IN ACTION - "That get up is sort of weird, isn't it? Stop. Are those even clothes? Note to self : wear lenses permanently. If I say she looks blasphemous, she'll ask her whys and hows. Which, curse those glasses, I can't answer. Pfft. Un-blasphemous is safer."
MUM - "Um, good. Yeah."
Slick.
Easy does it.
Step 2:
The Mind Game
What does your average, normal teen love the most? Disagreeing with her parents on most matters. What do your average, normal parents love the most? Disagreeing with their most-unlike-us-when-we-were-sensible-adolescents teen on most matters. How do you tap into this humongous potential source of freedom? Just think of what a goody, goody you from a parallel universe would say. Thought? Now play the reel backwards.
YOU - "Hey, mum. Don't I look absolutely scruffy?"
MUM BRAIN IN ACTION - "Absolutely WHAT?! Isn't that MY dialogue? Oh Ram, Ram. None of the Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi episodes showed Tulsi handling this. What do I do? Dharm Sankat. Breathe in, breathe out. Count to 10. 1..2...3...4.. Beep, beep. One message received. Normal Parental Response says to contradict the little high headed miss. Ha! Take that, o kid of mine! I will NOT agree to what you say! Mwahahaha!
MUM - "Why, not really, no. You look pretty spiffing good!"
YOU - "Haan, matashree. Aapke vichaar sarvochch satya hain."
I'm an agyakaari daughter. :P
Step 3:
Tap the You're-My-Idol Advantage
Now that you've gone past base camp, you need to ensure it withstands future outings too. Give an indirect ego boost. Butter up!
YOU - "This brooch looks good, doesn't it? Exactly like the one in your college reunion photograph, no?"
MUM BRAIN AT THOUGHT - "What a pet! She absolutely adores me! And that brooch really does go with those, um, shreds of cloth. Even if it is barely visible under those...whatever they are. At least she thought of wearing it, my perfect little punkster princess! Siiiiiigh."
MUM -" *overcome with emotion* Yes, dear. * gulp* It does."
YOU - *saintly smile*
And there you have it.
Strike three, and OUT! :D
