Shh. They're creeping up towards you, silently. Swiftly. Those shadows, they just wavered. There are pin pricks on your neck. They're gaining fast, on tip toes, stealthily. And in one fluid motion they're gonna land right below you ear and whisper softly,"Hiiiiii! Can I do fraandsips with you?"
Yes, m'fraands er, friends, the Orkut desperadoes taketh over. Previously thought to be confined to the shady interiors of your friendly neighborhood cyber cafes, they're coming fast. And how.
13th February, 2008
School reception
The teachers are having a Lohri party of sorts in the staff room, and I'm filling in for the receptionist. The things you have to do just because you're the only bakra on offer, since the Science section has practicals and the rest have prep leave. I sit, resigned. There's a sheaf of blank paper sheets in front of me and I'm waiting for inspiration to strike. But honestly, inspiration can do naught but yawn, looking at me grappling with a distraught mother on the phone who's daughter left her report card in school. So I well, yawn too.
Then, this wiry looking guy walks in, looks around, and rubs his tongue over his wiry looking lips. Let's call him RODT.
RODT : Oh hi. I'm from Oxford Univ Press. Can I meet your Princi?
Me: Princi? Um, right. She's um, occupied at the mo' [rather helpful thumping noise from the staff room], so why don't you have a seat?
RODT : Thank you SO much. Are you in this school?
Me: Uh huh.
RODT : Do you study in this school?
Me: Not really. I mean, yes. Yeah. [starts nodding head real fast]
RODT : I'm doing my MBA.
Me: Oh, um, alright. Glad to know that.
RODT : What class are you in?
Me: 11th.
RODT : I'm Rahul.
Me: Oh. Okay.
RODT : What is your name?
Me: [thinking this is going to be a long day] Vasudha.
RODT : Vaasdha?
Me: No. [pointed stare] Vuh-su-dha.
RODT : Okay! Hi, Vasudha!
Me: Um.
RODT : I like your uniform. Its not skirt-shirt, no? Is it some order or something?
Me: I don't think I would know.
RODT : You are in Science stream?
Me: Nah, Commerce. [Yay, stereotype one. Reason number one to bust this guy]
RODT : Commerce? Oh, even I was from Commerce!
Me: Yeah? Great. [Thanks a God, if any, that the guy didn't say same pinch]
RODT : So so. How much did you get in the tenth?
Me: Um. 93%.
RODT : What? 93% in Commerce?
Me: [Must not hit...must not hit...must not hit...] Yes. 92.8% Whatever.
RODT : Oye hoye! [?!] I got 76% in twelfth. And in my final year graduation, I got 66%. My dad says,"Log toh upar jaate hai, you toh only down jaate ho." I don't know, he is always so dissatisfied with me. Kya yaar.
Me: [O.o Starts beaming out frantic SOS signals] Hey, that's okay. Still a first division. *big cheery grin* [fake]
RODT : Yeah. So what are you planning to do after this?
Me: Huh!? After this?
RODT : After 12th yaar!
Me: Oh. That. Um, I don't know. Something in advertising, I guess.
RODT : Oh ho, so you are a creative person then!
Me: Um, maybe?
RODT : Even I am a creative person yaar. I am going to do advertising after my MBA too.
Me: Good Lord, no..
RODT : What, what?
Me: Me? Nothing, really. *big cheery grin again* [fake]
RODT : Very nice. You know, I like creative peoples very much. So, take one more card of mine, okay? This is a special card for creative peoples like me. So keep in touch, okay? *big cheery grin* [not fake]
Me: [Yeah, I'll keep in touch if it involves kicking wiry asses] Um, right.
I take the special card from his outstretched hand. At the back of it, unlike on the card he gave to be given to my Principal, in big bold letters, is a ten digit phone number.
Half an hour later, I rub my hands after a job well done. Every kid from the Science section who had their Chemistry practical that day is in possession of a number they can now call in case they need to creatively tackle their boredom with tales of missing socks, or fires in the bathroom. After all, if the Random Orkut Desperado Types start taking over the world, can the evil She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named Sorts be far behind? :D
Update : 30/03/08
Go play. *grins*
26 comments:
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*big cheery grin*
[not fake]
:D
LMFAO. Gonna call him 1st as an old lady with Alzheimer's and a hearing disorder then as a overzealous father who is looking for his daughter and looses his mind when he hears a boy's (boy... I'm not too sure about that one) on his daughter's supposed phone.
If you are entitled to be called She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, I am?
Sure you are.
And yeah, Red Rose Public School Angrezi teacher. :D
I think I could scan the card and put it up here. :P
I was asking who I would be.. my cruelty far exceeds your. :-P
Aww, you can be the inspiration then. Salazar Slytherin? :P
haha.
Sure, why not. You are nothing more than a mere descendant of mine.
Poor unsuspecting guy was just trying to befriend an 11th class ka student. Itna bura toh mat karo bachche ke saath. :P
I wonder what kicks he would have gotten out of you calling him. I mean 11th..MBA? Hadh hai desperation ki. Give me the number too, kisi din zyada balance hua toh achchi lagaunga saale ki. But then again, zyada balance hona apne aap mein badi impossible si baat hai.
But chalo, at least he didn't ask you your favorite tv serial guy thinking it'd be Rajeev Khandelwal and then he could get you an autograph of him and hence befriend you :P
lol....:)
LMAO I want the number too!!
Scan the card!!
oh hohoho!! smart gal! hey.. was wondering.. what if u see him again? same place... ;-)
Cool :D I guess you should really scan and put up the card here...
Yeah, those orkut despos are totally irritating with their fren-sip requests. I tried putting up a go-to-hell-with-english-learning-pocketbook message to them on my profile but still it doesn't deter all of 'em.
Guess they never understood what it meant :D
Anyways.
Your blog's great. I guess you are one of the most..er...."iss-peshal creative peoples" I've ever come across :P :D
she who must not be named!!!
voldimorietta!
love you!
may i have the number too?
i need to,erm, advertise my blog?
ps-LOL@fraandship...me closed me orkut just to get rid of these sorts!!
PEDO ALERT! PEDO ALERT!
Ok, that is out of my system now.
This is why being a rude, intoverted guy is great. I could take his number but I'm afraid he'll never recover from the trauma if I call him.
So yeah, if you want him to be scarred for life and get even dumber due to sheer shock, you know who to get in touch with. :P
Nik : Yeah, just a descendant who happens to be a month and a half younger. :P
Not that I mind. Any claim to similarity in the grey cell department in appreciated. :)
Ishmeet : Kyun? Main achhi kab se banne lagi? I'm evil. Period. Mwahahaha.
I'd have put it up, but I don't have a scanner, and I can't find my phone's USB cord. Tuesday tak ho jaana chahiye sab, school's reopening and I can try for the school scanner. :P
Damn, I wish he'd asked for my favorite telly guy. I'd have said Ryan Seacrest, and poor guy would be left hunting down for his autograph. Win-win situation, I get the autograph and then douse him in my evilness; or I just get the sadistic pleasure of my loyal, vella, phone loving phriends. :D
Brocasarea : *one more big cheery grin*
Shailja : Haha, patience, my friend. Gimme some time. :)
Shruti : Lol,I don't mind, he has no way of knowing it was me. I cover my tracks well. :D
Prerna : Oh, she didn't even see him. She gave me this look which clearly said,"WHO did you just set free into my office?!" and told me to pack him off to any teacher.
I know, we actually coined up a phrase for it : Adam teasing. :P
Sanyukta : Ah well. On public demand, I guess I will. :D
And yeah, they're incredibly, incredibly thick. I mean, did I give any indication at all that I was interested? No. Still doesn't deter them. And the better your English, the more you'll be pursued. :P Try some colorful, senseless broken Inglis thingo for better luck. :)
Hahaha, thenkz! And glad you stopped by to comment! :)
KotK : So I pleased the HP fan? Go, me. :D And sure, help yourself, I guess I'm going to be subjugated to putting it up now. :P I closed my Hi5 because of it, Orkut par I'm better off, thanks to an uninteresting profile and no pictures. :P
Bharat : Pedo alert duly noted and kept in mind in case of future meetings, thanks. :P
Oh, and sure. Though I'm beginning to pity RODT now, unfathomable amounts of nefariousness are about to be unleashed on him. :P
Good good, get it on soon. I've got a brand new plan chalked out now thanks to the visit to that academy on Sunday. It's gonna be attack of the Bongs! Aye shala, shomaj aaya ke noi? :P
And if you had told him Ryan Seacrest, he would've probably gone - "Achcha, matlab Rajeev Khandelwaal ab Hollywood jaa raha hai isliye usne apna naam Ryan Seacrest rakh liya hai! Koi baat nahi yaar, tu chinta na kar, main tereko pakka autograph laakar dunga..woh be inglis mein..matlab Rajeev ko bolunga ki Ryan likhke sign kare. Sahi hai na?! Tu bas call kar yaar mereko, baaki main dekh lunga". :P
ah well, sorry for being so late, just got a bit out of touch...
and hey, WHEN did THAT happen??
i did have my practicle that day *i think*, and considering the fact that that poor guy was tokin to you, he should have known hisprospects wouldnt be even remotely close to the word 'high'.
waise bhi, what did he think? why would anybody be interested in that *wiry* and gross guy who doesnt know that people is already plural...
honestly, i sympathize that you had to sit through such a conversation, and completely support the anti orkut side of yours.
*sits and stares at what she just wrote*
Vasudha: ..Ryan... Seacrest? Seriously? Say Patick Mokoena instead. He was a South African TV actor, he's dead already. RODT will go all the way to Africa and will either come back empty-handed or get eaten by lions, catch some tropical disease or get killed by rebels and bandits. If he comes back empty handed you can go all melodramatic and say 'I had such high hopes. I am so disappointed. You have failed me. Get out of my sight and return only when you have the autograph'. Win-win situation would be an understatement.
Ish: That reminds me of my 11th standard Maths teacher who is also Bongla. :D We had so much silly fun with her. Whenever she says students it sounds like rodents. So all of us would start shouting rodents at different points during class. And her name's Madhumita which we turned into Makkhi. So we go 'bzzz... bzzzzz' whenever she's around. When she says sit, it sounds like shit. She told one of my friends, who was standing on the bench holding a Sprite bottle over his head and singing 'Mauja e mauja' in the middle of class, to stop it and go sit in the far corner alone. Of course it sounded like she said shit. And my friend went 'No Ma'm, I will go shit in the toilet!'. We were all laughing uncontrollably. :P She pronounces my name as 'Vhorot'. :|
We actually reduced her to tears once. The period before hers was PT and we never went back to class after the period ended. Some lady had come from HT for a seminar and when our teacher brought her to the class there was only one girl sitting there. Everyone else was missing. She came to the ground and started scolding us, within minutes the scolded morphed into uncontrolled sobbing. :/ This dodgy sardar in my class brought a rose, an apology letter, a card and cake for her the next day. He asked us to sign the letter and card and foolishly told us about the cake and rose. We pricked him endlessly with the rose, tore up the card, somehow managed to get the letter so stained it was illegible and ate up all the cake. The girls rose up to defend him. One of the girls goes 'Tumhe sharam nahin aati bunk maarke teacher ko rulate hue!?' and I was like 'Ye toh aise bol rahi hai jaise ye agle hafte phirse nahin hone wala'. :P
[Lordie... huge comment O_o]
@Bharat: LOL Makkhi. We made two of our teachers cry too in 9th standard. The class teacher was called Manpreet and it was her first year at teaching. I made up the name Mannu for her and then whenever she'd enter the class, we would all go, "Mannu bhai motor chali pam pam pam". One day, she just lost it and started crying and ran out of the class. You should've seen the look on the faces of the girls. They were looking as if now the principal would come and suspend the entire class and stuff. But this teacher went crying into the staff room and we have no clue what happened after that. She gave us all toffee's next day thinking we won't repeat it again. She was mistaken. :-j
And then there was this Geography teacher who's name was Amar Kiran. Again, I renamed her Amar Killer. And as soon as she'd enter the class, one student would go, "Chalo oye, killer ka period aa gaya! Baith jao nahi toh khoon kar degi!". And again, one fine day she started crying. Almost all the sections of 9th standard made her cry that year I think. I was always the one who used to think up nicknames. :P
Then just this last year there's a Biotech teacher with whom boys always misbehave because she's young. She seems to think we "look" at her. And one day she started lecturing her and one guy got angry and went, "Madam, aapko kyun lagta hai ki hum aapko dekhte hain? Hai kya aap mein aisa?" And the look on her face was memorable. We got a visit from the Principal after that lol.
Ishmeet : You won't have to wait long. :D
LOL, bas yaar, bechaare ki thodi self esteem toh rehne de. :P Vaise bhi, can't call anyone currently, my phone has decided to divert all calls, and some other bakra has been grappling with Nik's abuses and random messages asking for love advice. :P
Lasha : No problem-o, my replies are getting equally, if not more, late. Haha, nah this was when the last batch had their practicals, and you had a holiday, I think.
As for people being interested in him, I wouldn't say so. There are loads of them out there, and I don't think they all remain unhitched forever. Maybe some female equivalents? *shudders at the thought*
Bharat : *grins* That's all the choice I have from Idol and Roadies. And come on, if you've seen last season and the no shoes antics, then its perfectly understandable. [Or at least understandable] He's funny, and he has no qualms snapping back at Simon, so.. :D
As for Patick Mokoena, I wouldn't trying next time. If there's a next time. :P
Kya karega yaar ab woh self-esteem ka. Maruti waalon Esteem banaani hi band kar di hai, ab kya fayda.
And Nik asks you for love advice?! :O
Bechaara ladka. Matlab ek toh Nik and upar se teri love advice. Marega saala. :P
LMAO, no she doesn't! I should've changed the order : messages and Nik's calls. :P
Marega kya, when my dad called to reconfirm if the calls were being diverted he was so desperate to get them reverted that he made my dad write down his number to call and ask for help in case he was having problems. Then he asked for the handset model and gave alternative instructions in case we turned out to be morons. :P
LOL Oh, that way. Haha. :))
And arre, I was not talking about the guy who was getting your calls. I was talking about the one in whom Nik was interested and the one for whom she was taking love advice from you. Woh marega saala. :P
Wicked!
Btw, isnt this line "Hiiiiii! Can I do fraandsips with you?" used by Yahoo! to advertise their spam filter?
Ishmeet : [How punctual, no? :|]
Marega? That'll set new standards for torture man. :P
Reema : I'm wicked. ^_^
Oh yeah, think it is!
quite interesting article. I would love to follow you on twitter.
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